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Itsgoingtobeok (original poster member #37664) posted at 4:01 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2013
Like a lot of SIers there has been several D day's . I'm in the same boat so I want to know if you ask question about past D day's or do you only ask about the current D day ? My WW has answered my question about the current D day but very little about past A . Would you want to know ?
BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery
"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 4:04 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2013
Yes, I sure would. I believe it all needs to come in out in order to successfully reconcile. And that failure to adequately address previous affairs partly led to another. So, that would be a pretty major requirement for me to keep working on the relationship.
So sorry you are in that situation though. Yuck.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 5:04 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2013
Absolutely, we deserve to know everything that's happened in our marriages. I asked about earlier affairs, ONS's, whether all four children were mine, you name it. My wife's answers, and the way she answered, convinced me that I was dealing with just one affair (LTA, though). It's important to know whether you are dealing with a fallen women who went off the rails one time, or a serial cheater who cannot or will not control her behavior without intensive IC.
Knowledge is power.
Sorry you find yourself in this situation, hang in there.
catlover50 ( member #37154) posted at 5:09 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2013
That was one of my polygraph questions: have you had sexual relations with any other women that I am not aware of? I have been glad to know.
Dday -9/23/2012
Reconciled
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:18 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2013
Your WS's life needs to be an open book. Coming clean is the number 1 thing a WS can do to start rebuilding trust.
Not answering questions is being untruthful and dishonest by omission, and you can't R with a dishonest person - and a WS can't become a decent partner if she's not being honest.
[This message edited by sisoon at 11:18 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
njgal480 ( member #24938) posted at 6:22 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2013
The more honest and open the WS is -the easier it is to believe what they say.
I needed to know everything.
And I also asked questions about whether or not this was the only OW etc.
The more questions he was willing to answer the more I began to believe him.
I needed to know everything before I could decide on R.
Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.
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