SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Forgive me if I am repeating myself.

Still can't get past this.

When reading about different types of As eg ONS, serial cheating, romantic, LTAs, the long lasting ones are always described as having a strong emotional connection and bond, therefore "love".

My H described his LTA like a series of ONS,math at just happened to last for over half of our M.

There is something called the Monogamous A also, but this is supposed to involve deep feelings as well.

It mat seem that I want to pin a label on my H's A, and maybe I do, but nothing seems to fit.

The radical turn around after dday has me questioning also.

After 15 years of a gradual distancing and coldness, eventually losing all interest in me sexually (he admits this) to suddenly professing that I am his be all and end all, and becoming a most wonderful H, my head is spinning.

Could this be true? Can someone turn their feelings off for so long and then reignite them overnight?

Please help me. mI'm not sure if I will ever come to terms with this.

I've been asking myself that for 4yrs. Judging by my ws double life and his inability to go 1 day without having some sort of contact with ow, in my case guess not. He knows what its costing him but he won't give her up. He wants both. I can't live like this and I know when I make him leave he

swear she means nothing but his actions prove otherwise.

LTAs, the long lasting ones are always described as having a strong emotional connection and bond, therefore "love"

Where do you read this, FB? If you go to the LTA thread in the ICR forum you will find that most of our WS's LTA's were devoid of love which is why it was possible for it to last as long as it did as an LTA.

Yes Sister, I do remember hearing that in the LTA forum. mAnd it gave me a great deal of comfort.

I read here often, searching for answers, and I've read books and articles online.

I have this insatiable appetite for information that will allow me to label his affair. To put it in some kind of category.

I do remember yours, and others' posts telling me that this is a pattern of some LTAs.

If you google "types of affairs". they usually list them in four or five categories ranging from ONS with no commitment, to LTAs, with a deep emotional attachment.

My H's behaviour doesn't match one of any commitment to his AP as he threw her under the bus immediately on dday. But during the A he detached from me completely. I've also read that having regular sex with someone will bond you.

And there is the always present "but I always loved YOU" thing that drives us all crazy.

I do realize that I get a much more realistic and experienced point of view here, from people that have lived this.

I am just feeling so distraught and hopeless that I will never be able to accept this.

I must seem so hard headed to you all who have taken the time to help me understand, and then I go and forget what you have said.

Ostrich, when I read stories like yours, I see that I at least have a remorseful spouse, and it seems like it would be much worse if the affair was ongoing. I'm so sorry for you.

I should be more grateful, but I guess I want it all. mI want it to go away. I want to wake up and know that it was a bad dream.

I don't think I'll ever be happy again.

Please just tell me one more time that he isn't lying when he says he didn't love her.

I don't feel you are hard headed. It takes a long time for us to be able to wrap our heads around all the infidelity shit. Especially true for those who's spouse's had LTA's just because we have so much more to process.

Your d-day was only about 18 months ago. I am sorry to say it takes much longer than 18 months to get to the "acceptance" stage. It has been a little over 3 years for me and I am not totally at the "acceptance" stage. Some days I feel I am there, then I trigger and I am not!

Time, FB, time is what it is going to take. Plus, a remorseful spouse who is doing what needs to be done. ((((FB)))))