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I'm meeting with my lawyer this afternoon to proceed formally with the financial split and getting the childrens' care issues formalised. Everything has been kind of 'on hold' for a few months but I'm tired of living in this kind of limbo and want to get things sorted.

STBX will see this as an aggressive move but screw him.

I've listed all the things I could think of to talk with the lawyer about and what to include in what will be the first letter to him eg. my plan to keep the house using a proportion of his super as a bargaining tool, requesting he return keys/remote controls ASAP, move his shit out ASAP (he left in January), my proposed 'split' of the house (I want 60/40 as I have the kids more and he earns twice my salary).

I'm also going to ask her to include a request for an address where he is staying with his GF and our kids - he refuses to give it to me so I don't know where my kids are when he has them. That's a reasonable request, isn't it?

Anything else I should be including or is that enough to be going on with for now? My lawyer will give me some good advice of course, but I'd really appreciate some first hand tips on how you went about sending off your first formal 'demands' and what to include/what to avoid?

Thanks guys :)

I'm also going to ask her to include a request for an address where he is staying with his GF and our kids - he refuses to give it to me so I don't know where my kids are when he has them. That's a reasonable request, isn't it?

YES!! In the US, it is usually a requirement that each parent must give the other parent their residential address and the address of where the kids will be on visitation.

Good luck

Child support? Spousal support? Other marital debt? Pension?

Good for you for taking this step!! Good luck and keep us updated!

Hey Aussie Mum, I too am in Australia and went through this last year.

You have pretty much covered everything - the solicitor will want details regarding debt, assets, superannuation, salary, current arrangements for the children etc.

If it gets nasty, be prepared for his side to question your income, and state that you could earn more if you really wanted to. If there is an argument for spousal support, this is when it will all come into play, depending on the age of the kids.

As you know, Child Support payments are either done privately, as guided by the CSA, or administered by the CSA. It depends on what works best for you.

You may be required at your first meeting to give an affidavit as to what led to the breakdown in the marriage as this will be included in the divorce documents.

Your solicitor will probably ask you whether you are prepared to enter into a Parenting Agreement, which will formalise your arrangements for the kids. While this is not legally binding, it is very good documentation when things go wrong.So it would be good to think about what to put in there, such aas medical costs, school holidays, first right of refusal, how to communicate issues about the kids - whether you have a right to know where they are, etc.

60/40 is a reasonable split, and very achievable I would have thought. Looking at a lot of court documents and reports, it certainly seems to be the norm in most cases like this. However, maybe have a think about an ambit claim, depending on whether this would just be inflammatory or not.

My best advice is not about the process, but how you deal with the process. You seem very level headed, but its worth remembering that this can make you feel like shit. Dont be surprised if the other side makes remarks about you, your icome earning capacity, your "ridiculous" demands, your care of the kids. Remember that they are being advised by him, and they are trying to get the best deal for him. But it burns to know that he has sat with some dude in a suit talking shit about you. so, keep your eye on the outcome, and try not to let it get to you.

Above all, think about what you are seeking to achieve - financial certainty and security for your children. Yes, its about you and what you deserve to take away from this partnership, but whenever you are accused of being greedy and after his stuff, remind yourself and him that this is for the future of HIS children.

You supported him and his kids while he earned that big salary and stacked away his super - its yours too.

Good luck, and let us know how you go. Feel free to pm if you need to.

Thankyou all for your advice and support

The meeting went well, bottom line is she is sending a 5 page letter to STBX outlining how I want things to proceed and also telling him quite clearly that we will proceed to a court order if he does not provide me with the address where he takes the kids (they are all sleeping at the girlfriend's house, my son is on a mattress on the floor )

I have a draft of the letter to check through and I will get her to email it to him on Monday.

He is going to flip out. I'm expecting anger, ranting, revenge - the works. He works for the phone company so I would not be surprised if I have my phone/internet/cell phone disconnected early next week (the accounts are in his name as he gets a staff discount).

He's also been told in the letter than I can proceed to have his superannuation valued and split without his permission. This is a HUGE issue to him as naturally, he sees it as 'his money' and I'm just a 'greedy bitch' for wanting what is rightfully mine (and my children's).

Oh get ready for fireworks. Too bad, so sad.