For the ones who just found out and the ones who are struggling with a WS, keep this in mind; it really does get better!
My heart breaks for all of you going through this pain.
You're more than welcome to read on my profile, but I will gladly share my stitch.
I married young, to a woman I barely knew. I was in the Army and preparing to go to my next assignment in Europe, and I knew my ex for approximately three months before we wed.
By the time she arrived in Germany, because of housing, I had heard from my parents that there might be some running around on her part. I dismissed those, although I shouldn't have. So, she arrives on base, and I'm sent to Saudi Arabia for Desert Shield. I kept on having these feelings that something wasn't right. Hardly any letters, cold writing, etc... When I came back to Germany a year later, I could tell. Arguments all the time, no intimacy, etc... However in 93 we had a son (he is mine. looks just like me, so no doubt). But, in 97, I discovered her written journal of all the cheating in very precise detail. I was crushed, but knew that I could no longer stay married.
We divorced, but eventually I got over it and met someone else. By this time I had left the military. She and I married about a year and a half later. I figured that it couldn't happen again.... Was I ever wrong!
The first couple years were good, then her drinking and drugs took center stage. I told her that she was a mother and a wife, so the party lifestyle was over.
She took this way underground!
I can't tell you how many phone calls I received at work, when I was on midnights, because she either wrecked a vehicle (alcohol / drug related), or was caught drunk driving.
By now, the Internet is huge and smartphones are making their splash on the world. These tools are good, but in the wrong hands they aren't so good and in the hands of my 2nd wife, they aren't good.
I discovered thousands of texts to strange numbers. There was one in particular that kept showing up. I was told that this number was our daughters boyfriend (I adopted her daughter). Ummm.... Yeah.... Our daughter has text on her phone, so why is this person texting you, when I'm either at work or asleep?
Eventually, I discovered that this number was my wife's ex boyfriend. Ok!! Now I am truly finding out the depth of her deception!
Not only was she running around with other guys when I'm at work on midnights, but you're making plans to fly to Texas to see your old BF!
Things were horribly bad at home and one day she took $25,000 in cash and our daughter (15 at the time) and left.
I was devastated!!! I cried, worried and didn't know what was happening. I didn't want to go through another divorce and was determined to patch things up.
I tried to nice her back. BTW.... Trying to nice someone back does not work. Plus, it only made me look like a fool!
She rented her own apt and kept me on the line for financial reasons..... I only felt like a bigger fool!
One day it dawned on me, that I wasn't going to tolerate this shit any longer and I knew that this marriage was not going to last. So I prepared for war.
Oddly enough in the next few days, she mentioned divorce and I said ok.... She then told me the truth about her cheating while we had been separated and before she had left.
A few days later, I discovered that $5k was missing from my mothers checking account, that I had access too. For my bank, all accts that I'm named on, if someone knows my user id and pw, they can see as well. Mind you, I had $0 in this acct. It all belonged to my mother. I called her and asked if she w/d $5k. She said that she didn't. The next morning, I called the bank and got the story. My stbx got online, transferred $5k from my mothers acct to her and I joint acct, then wrote a counter check for that amount! I had her!!! That was all I needed. I told my stbx to return the $, otherwise a warrant would be sworn out for larceny.
Or.... She could just take what she already had, quick divorce and just go away. No $, no more anything out of the house, no alimony, no nothing. Or, my mom would press charges. Choose!
She chose to just slink away.
The divorce was over quick and in my mind, good riddance! I was SO glad to be out of that daily drama.
Now here is where it really gets good. I pissed around dating (nothing serious and I was honest with everyone), then about six months after my divorce, I met the most incredible woman. We dated for about six months, then became exclusive for about a year, getting to know one another much better.
At that time, I knew she was the woman I had been searching for, for so long. There was complete honesty, transparency, love and we truly enjoy being with one another. I was scared, but I did ask for her hand and as of now, we have been married for just over a year.
I can honestly say that she is everything that I have ever wanted in a partner. She understands that my BS detector is always on high alert and hers is too, because she was married once before and her ex strayed.
If you stayed this long, thanks!!!
Always remember!!! No matter how bad things are looking now, it does get better, if you want it too! Sometimes, that means getting out of a bad marriage or relationship.
There is someone out there who will honestly love you for who you are, this I can promise!
ps... I was on here once before and the awesome folks here at SI, know what they are talking about! Please listen and heed their advice.
I wanted to drop by and share my experiences with all of you and perhaps, try to pay forward all the wonderful advice that I received when I was here before.
Wishing everyone a very beautiful weekend!
