SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So maybe I was wrong about the first and the second time she cheated. But I know she made out at the least with that girl last year. I saw it with my eyes as did my friends. All the lack of affection and neglect made me believe there was more to it all. That hurt led me to leave her and my unborn daughter. The hurt made question her more and more.

After all that crap and dealing with it the best I can she pulls it again. But this time its some random dude she meet at a restaurant.

I was told last night that it was my fault because I have been mean and she was angry. So she messed around with this dude cause she was pissed at me.

Is there anything even worth saving at this point?

I how do I explain to her how she has made me feel without her claiming Im attacking her, or is she just never going to get it?

I asked her to read the post about what WS's should expect from us BS's. At two separate point she told me that I need to get over it for this to work. exFREAKINGcuse me! She could not have read it. I did every day for a week, hoping to be able to game the steps some how because I used to be a freaking happy person.

One more vent. She agreed that when she was messing around with the OW that our relationship was better then than it had been in years. What?! So your experimenting with another women made your marriage better, nice. Thanks for that........

(((TornToughGuy)))

First thing is welcome and I'm so sorry you had to find us.

#1 motto for us betrayed spouses (BS) is

There is nothing you said or didn't say, there is nothing you did or didn't do to make your spouse cheat and lie. NOTHING !!

Your WW (wayward wife) chose to handle whatever issues she had in the marriage or her past by getting a "fix" with another man (OM). She chose to solve her needs or wants outside the vows.

For you to reconcile with her, she has to own her own shit and not blame anyone for her actions and choices.There has to be true remorse not regret of being found out. Huge differences.

Have you read in the healing library listed on left of this page ? I would recommend starting there.

Is there anything even worth saving at this point?

Her actions must match her words if there is anything to be saved.

how do I explain to her how she has made me feel without her claiming Im attacking her, or is she just never going to get it?

Many WWs especially takes on the victim role and gets defensive. How about writing your feelings and thoughts, like a letter to yourself and not her. it might open her eyes but it would be good for you to put your thoughts in words.

Big Hugs and you now have thousands that understand because we've been there.

Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:43 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]