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Ladyogilvy (original poster member #31558) posted at 6:09 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
WH husband read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal After Your Affair" last night. He put it on the dresser saying he needed to read it a few more times. He even read the part where it praises "Not Just Friends," the other book I got for him. He commented on how he knows he's been stuck in the "detain and torture" phase and wants to get to the "successful reconciliation" level.
He caught me reading the book this morning and snatched it out of my hands. He said he didn't want me knowing all his lines come from the book and that he felt like he needed to write them on the palms of his hands.
It's been more than two years since DD most of which has just been surviving WH getting sober. After 40 years of hard drinking and 14 years of a crazy abusive family up until then, he really is emotionally retarded. But, at least he recognizes that now and is actually trying.
I know, if I hadn't turned into such a hardass, demanding more from him and refusing to let him rugs weep, he wouldn't have bothered making any changes. I have you all to thank for my bitch boots.
Me: BW 57. Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 65Married stopped counting after too many disappointing anniversaries. Two sons, 24&25 years old. He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable evidence of.
itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 6:13 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
The bitch boots look fabulous on you!
I'm glad your WH is reading....it sucks that he's speaking in script from the book, but maybe he needs to keep repeating those lines until he understands them, and then he'll be able to speak on his own.
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 6:17 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
I applaud you, LadyO, for sticking it out this long. Yeah, you are a badass with some damn fine bitch boots.
Your WH doesn't even know how very, very lucky he is that you are willing to stick by his side whilst he is getting sober and "growing" up.
I am happy your WH is at least taking baby steps and moving forward. I really don't think I could or would be as patient as you, but your WH is/was a very sick man. You are truly very special.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Lovedyoumore ( member #35593) posted at 6:20 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
They say the most ridiculous things. FOO issues have nearly driven them to emotional infancy. The things a 50 something man can believe and say after 35 years together make me crazy. Bitch boots made me think of this gem...."if you had not been so nice and been a bitch I might not have felt free to cheat on you."
Yes, that came out of his mouth. Guess who is now a bitch to live with?
Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
noprincess ( member #38660) posted at 6:24 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
Good for you Lady!
My H is an alcoholic too and that alone is enough to push a M into D. Add infidelity and it all seems too unforgivable. I know how hard it is to live with a drunk. I know how hard it is to live with a cheater. I'm proud of you for finding your bitch boots and wearing them to kick some butt! 
...now, can I borrow them, size 8.5? 
"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill
Ladyogilvy (original poster member #31558) posted at 6:49 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
People here warned me over two years ago. They told me to run, not walk to the nearest divorce lawyer. If I saw someone come here with a story like mine, I would tell them the same thing. Knowing that there would be hell to traverse with no guarantee of it being worth it in the end. I couldn't recommend the same path to anyone.
On the other hand, if I had gone the divorce route, WH may have drunk himself out of his business and into the gutter or prison, leaving the boys and I with nothing. Even WH believes this to be true. It is the direction he was headed.
Me: BW 57. Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 65Married stopped counting after too many disappointing anniversaries. Two sons, 24&25 years old. He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable evidence of.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:07 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
I love it Lady! Bitchboots are the best aren't they? 
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 8:18 PM on Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
Way to stand your ground, LadyO.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
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