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macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:05 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
5 months post divorce and I am having an emotional breakdown tonight.
Lots of milestones for my children over the past month with events attended by my XH who is trying to "be friends".
I am just tired of being the strong one for my children...
I am tired of hanging onto hope that this sadness and empty feeling will fade.
I am surrounded by friends and yet feel so alone sometimes...
Yep, having a pity party for one.
Sorry folks.
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:09 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Well I'm here and I'm pretty sure others are as well. Hugs coming...
((((Macakipa)))
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 5:12 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Well, this happens. You don't have to be strong. Take a day and just plain fall apart. Have a good ole fashioned pity party. IT IS ALLOWED!
there will be plenty of time to be strong again later.
((hugs))
You are not alone.
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 5:13 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Very sorry. You know that tomorrow is a new day, so go ahead and have your party. Sometimes we just need to feel sorry for ourselves and how things turned out.
Sorry you're hurting.
Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:13 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Thank you so much FaithFool.
I hate days/nights like this!!
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:17 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Thank you all.
I want to get back on that "finding me" track, but just don't have that fight in me tonight.
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:17 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Been through plenty of those, know just how you feel.
Can you watch a stupid movie or something?
Old Fawlty Towers on Netflix has been making me laugh lately...
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 5:24 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
((Macakipa))
It is not easy being a single after so many years of being married and having a useless XH doesn't help. BTDT. 
It took me along time to be comfortable being alone and not be lonely. I had never lived without a husband or kid in 52 yrs. A major empty nest syndrome.
I do have a couple friends that I can call, sometimes you just need to tell someone about the screwed up day you had or a funny story you heard.
You've been through so many changes since dday and a new normal doesn't happen quickly.
Hugs
Gma
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:25 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
I am looking for a distraction on television now.
I know we are in charge of our own happiness, but sometimes the unfairness of what our WSs did to us is just a heavy weight to carry.
I am mourning not sharing in our children's milestones like I had expected to with my loving and faithful husband. That man is long gone....
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:26 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 5:31 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
I am mourning not sharing in our children's milestones like I had expected to with my loving and faithful husband. That man is long gone....
I understand ! My DD was married 4 yrs ago and I was still pretty much an emotional mess. Missed the joy of helping her.
Oldest GS will be 13 on Weds. FT hasn't seen him in 5 yrs.
FT's son just had a baby boy. FT is in Thailand waiting the birth of his and Twat's baby so he could care less.
I'm finally enjoying the events but we haven't been together for 5 yrs. It took time to feel comfortable in my NB.
Hugs
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:31 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Thank you for understanding gma56 
Jrazz, I really like your tagline. I need to work on not seeing my XH as an enemy. Still searching for solid indifference.
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 5:34 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
I'm sorry mac. When those down feelings start to take me I get through them by digging in the yard. I also like to look at pics of me and my son doing things together. Don't know why it helps, it just does. (uh...I probably also say FTG a few times as well.)
I love 'fawlty towers' too!
((((((mac))))))
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 5:34 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Indifference will come. In the meantime, it's okay to pause to fall apart a bit before you pick yourself up and get back to business.
Mental health time is priceless. It's okay to indulge in it now and again. Nobody can be strong 24/7. (At least, I know I can't be!)
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:40 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
tesla, if only it wasn't pitch black outside right now. Digging in the dirt with a flashlight would certainly uncover some earthworms...or a visit from the police 
Thank you for your hugs and the laugh I actually just had through tears.
Thank you too wildbananas. It is so good to have your company this evening.
[This message edited by macakipa at 11:41 PM, June 10th (Monday)]
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
inhishands55 ( member #9454) posted at 5:51 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Keep your chin up macakipa...I like you had pity parties and it took me along time to get over it..I finally came to the conclusion I made my XH into someone he never was...I put him on a pedestal, that he didn't deserve...That the man I fell in love with was dead and gone...I look at him now and wonder what I ever saw in him.
Time is a wonder healer...Give yourself time and do thing YOU enjoy for YOU..((((HUGS to you))))))
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:52 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
F T G 
[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:56 PM, June 10th (Monday)]
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 5:55 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
FF was that picture for Ft's Twat ???
Not too many Twats on SI.
Love it !
ETA: Maybe not flowery more like stinkweed.
Gma
[This message edited by gma56 at 11:57 PM, June 10th (Monday)]
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:57 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Poofed it in favour of Farty Towels...
Now that we have totally jacked Mac's thread, I'm going to bed.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:57 PM, June 10th (Monday)]
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 5:57 AM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
You guys are awesome! I knew this was the right place to come to.
FaithFool
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
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