Wow, WGB, I could have written this post.
A few days ago, I just wrote an email to a close friend stating this exact thing -- that my feelings had been hurt by something she did (or actually, didn't do). And, I was feeling used, as well.
This email was very carefully written by me, I think, and qualifies as a gentle confrontation. I basically stated my perception of events, my feelings, and that if she wanted to repair our friendship, she could contact me (after a certain date in late June -- I have a big credentials exam coming up, and don't want any drama before then.)
And, I think I need time to just ... be.
Like you, WGB, I think standing up for myself really helped my self-esteem.
I am recovering from my grade-A codependency, btw.
Some history on my friend -- we have been good friends for about 8 years. She has been through a lot of drama in that time, and sorry to say, she has been the OW twice. I think I have been, during some of that time, in a codependent role with her, and doing too much for her, at my own expense. NO MORE.
I am hoping/thinking that expressing clearly how and why my feelings have been hurt, (by what I have perceived as her disrespect of our friendship), is a GOOD thing for me to do. I think it's healthy.
It's funny, but I have felt very freed after doing this. And although I hope she contacts me to repair our relationship, I am not all caught up in the outcome, not one bit. Que sera, sera.
WGB, does this any of this sound familiar?? Thanks for posting this topic today !
slight t/j: I think I need to start a topic on "When your friend is the OW" !! At the time this was going on with her, I was mildly disapproving -- NOW, after my own experience, I would be 1,000% a flamethrower. Just sayin'.