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is it normal to wish that you WS has not told you about the A...(ONS) . i sometimes feel like he did it for his own piece of mind and dumped it on me to deal with too....of course he said i had every right to know and how badly he felt and how he "couldnt finish" because he woke up from it all and realized what he was doing. i know he loves me and i know he regrets it and he says over and over how its the biggest mistake of his life and he wants to make this wrong right ....well good on him maybe since he is so sure it would never happen again and he was gonna be better maybe i was better off not knowing and just be surprised to have such a new and devoted husband that paid more attention to me that stayed up listening to me talk its all great minus the fact that i know he cheated .....ugh just hearing him in regular convo about that night the second he say then i cheated on you ughhhhh heart stops butterflies die and i feel sick . it got to the point where i asked him not to use "i cheated on you" instead "then i did what i did" cause it hurts so badly .

anyone sometime wish they didnt know??

im mean given that your spouse truly was sorry and it wasnt an ongoing thing and it wouldnt have happend again???

because ideally i would have never known the girl was in a diff state and she wanted nothing to do with him after either ( being she got kicked out) he also wanted nothing to do with her in disbelief with himself.

sometimes i think this happened so that i built up the courage to speak the truth about my past pre marriage years things i felt guilty of .....because i probably would have taken them to the grave (my WH words)

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 4:52 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

Yes and no. I am the one who confronted my wh so the unknowing if he had suddenly changed would have driven me crazy.

A ons years ago? Honestly? I don't know. I would hope the guilt would eat him alive and he'd be kissing the ground I walk on until the day he died.

my thought exactly!that it eat him up alive NOT ME! that he would spend his whole life making it up without my knowledge .....

I did sometimes, when I couldn't even sleep or think...and just wanted to pretend it never happened so that I wouldn't have to suffer and be in pain.

But the reality is that I needed to know.

I am sorry I know because I don't know if I will ever survive it and yes, there are so many times I wish I didn't know because who wants to live in this hell? on the other hand, I never want to be in the dark again while someone is betraying me and if I hadn't found out WS wouldn't have come to realize he is a SA and wouldn't be getting help for a lifelong problem he has had, so yes and no basically.

Every day I wish I didn't know!! In my heart I knew something was going on but to have him confess to me has just about killed me!! It has only been a month but every min of every day I think about it!! I guess it wiLl get better but how long will it take??!! And yes he said he confessed because he felt so guilty!! Thanks a lot!! So now I have to suffer for your choices too!! I hear the part about not being kept in the dark but really... I was happy there!!

I don't wish I didn't know, I wish it didn't happen.

I don't wish I didn't know, I wish it didn't happen.

^^^^^^EXACTLY!!! ME TO!!!

When my WH confessed to me in January this year one of my initial things I said to him was "why did you even tell me?" I told him I would rather not have known. His answer was that she (OW) was going to tell me as he'd told her it had to end. As it was the bitch sent me and my mum and my brother messages on Facebook telling them all about it! I never got to see what she wrote as WH deleted it and we both agreed to lie to my family saying it was all a made up lie by a delusional woman - God how I wish that was the truth!

But, sorry, back to you hurtz - in your situation yes I can totally empathise, totally. BUT I guess that ultimately it is better to know - I don't know. Sorry I'm not very helpful am I but I do feel your pain. (Hugs)

Just to say that my BH did not know. Many years later, it all came out.

It totally destroyed him. The life he thought he had was based on a lie. He did not feel that he knew who I was.

If you found out after 20, 30,or 40 years your choices would be a lot more limited.

Mine is yet different. My H has never confessed. In the beginning I was glad there was hope. But we have fought so much in 5 yrs. He might as well have confessed. ANd like the story of finding out years later and feeling like your life was a lie. I believe it would end us . I do suspect. I was always worried. He works out of state alot. Oblivious sounds great. Suspecting is limbo in hell. I wonder if guilt eats at him . I wonder what he thinks about. He doesnt tell. I wonder what hes protecting. Or if he even cares at all. Im now living for my needs.