SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found a good deal for a 3 month membership and figure if I can't meet more quality guys THIS way than I will give up on this whole OLD idea! The free site was just not working and I was getting a lot of guys that were not looking for something meaningful.... just "something something"

What has been ya'lls luck with paid sites versus "free" dating sites?

I have been dating a truly kind, gentle, loving guy since January. We met on match.

Taking it very very slowly and enjoying getting to know him.

My advice would be to think long and hard about your profile. I would really encourage you to use the "free text" box and write about yourself.

I googled other profiles to get some ideas of good and bad profiles and tips on writing one.

It seemed to work :)))

My BF told me that he kept reading and re-reading my writing about myself and that was what drew him in.

You will find the usual suspects sending you one line messages.

The messages that stood out were those who had read my profile and took time to write a detailed reply.

Good luck and I hope you have better luck.

Having found my STBX has many dating profiles up on legit OLD sites, including the paid ones, and seeing that he lies about himself (hello? he is not divorced!), I urge you to continue to vet all prospective dates and be sure you don't rely on their word alone.

Definitely....I'm just hoping that the statistics are true about people being a little more serious about looking for something real when they pay for the membership and that most people are a little older than the young lurkers on the free sites..... but we shall see.... may the filtering begin!!!!

Shelly, what are your criteria for filtering?

According to my sister, Eharmony doesn't have many locals in my area...even though we live in a relatively big city (close to 300,000).

My sister only met one guy who lived in our town. The others lived at least 1 1/2 hours away.

I already answered this question privately, but just wanted to publicly say that I think there IS something to paying to be on the site.

I didn't pay at first. But when someone very respectful and nice looking sent me an email...I decided to bite the bullet and paid to read it. Strangely...he poofed.

Meanwhile, because I had paid, I wrote to someone who placed me in his favorites, but didn't say anything. Turns out...he hadn't paid either. But my profile made him want to pay to read MY email.

Long story short, I've met a wonderful, caring, honest, trustworthy and non game playing man. I fell in love and am enjoying every minute.

Screen, screen and screen some more!!! He's the ONLY one I chose to date. I weeded them out well.

I'm looking for a guy that wrote A LOT in his profile and wants to be open about who he is and I want to see if what he has to say really hits home with me. I will know by how he writes emails and if he is willing to take the time to write more than "You're gorgeous" or "Let me take you to dinner" or "Do you have skype!?" If he is a single dad...that's almost better! Because I know he will understand where I'm coming from with being a single mom and the time restraint that it has but its not important that he has children, just as long as he is child-friendly. Someone who doesn't smoke (because I never have).

Someone who has an education because in the past I have never dated guys even close to my education level and my therapist thinks that is a mistake. Piper's daddy doesn't have any college and my XWH had an associate's degree. I don't know if that matters, but I have a master's degree but never placed any significance on my partner having even a bachelor's. Now, I'm trying to see if it WILL make a difference. Just looking for someone who looks like they have their life together. I don't need a man to complete me..... I want a man to compliment me. There's a big difference. I don't want a man I have to fix.... I want a man that I like "just the way he is! Not looking for perfect..... just perfect FOR ME.

I think I really would like to find a sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful, family-oriented guy with a good sense of humor! I'm not putting as big an emphasis on the physical aspect of it as long as there is some attraction there. I would prefer someone who is physically active in some way.... a runner would be a HUGE bonus but not required.

And, if ANY of their photos were taken in the bathroom mirror.... NEXT!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:25 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

They are out there ...

You just described my BF who is a single dad, marathon running, kindest, funniest, brightest, politest guy.

You are right a healthy relationship should not complete your life but compliment it.

Good luck Shellybeanz.

You are right a healthy relationship should not complete your life but compliment it.

Good luck Shellybeanz.

thank you timeforchange!

You just described MY boyfriend, too! Insert mountain biker for runner instead. Single dad of 2 girls same ages as my young son. You are right, being a parent of a similar aged child/children is HUGE when dealing with this stage of life understandings.

So see? They ARE out there! You practically wrote your own profile in this post so I hope what you have online is very similar. There is no doubt what you are looking for so I hope the right men start contacting you!

When I started dating, I told others that I would only date single DADS. My kids come first and I didn't want to have to explain or defend it. Now some single dads won't get it....

My SO's niece (26) is engaged to someone my age who is divorced, but with no kids. He wants kids, but his ex didn't. We were talking about the dating scene and he said how hard it was to date women his age because they all had kids and it was really hard for him to not be #1 even in that beginning unicorn farts stage. His brain understood, but he kept feeling resentful anyway.

Stage of life, to me, seems more important than age.

I feel that you get what you pay for, and the paid sites offer more people who are serious about finding a relationship. I met my now husband on Chemistry.com, I would highly recomend that one.

I will know by how he writes emails

My struggle with this kind of statement is that it's very subjective. Too subjective for OLD. Wanting someone with a degree is much more concrete, tangible, measurable. When I was OLD, I noticed a progression over time where I eventually almost stopped looking at their photos. Seriously. It was the last thing I looked at, after spending a fair amount of time looking for measurable things in their profiles - degree, career and ambition, religion, values, politics, etc. A guy had to pass what was essentially a seven step checklist for me to even consider responding to his messages (or sending him one).

Be picky! You owe yourself that. I don't mean to be critical here, more trying to help you think through this process and handle it as painlessly as possible, because I know OLD can be a huge pain.

Imho, OLD should be one of a mix of things you should do to meet a partner rather than the main focus. Somehow doing that takes the focus off of it & makes it easier to deal with, at least it did for me. I guess it takes out the desperation factor, that makes one pin too much hope on what is essentially a total stranger.

My approach to OLD was much more lackadaisical. My profile only had a few pics, my verbiage was pretty light. I didn''t even fill out all of the sections available to me. I focused on getting across one point and one point only, that I am low key and like low key stuff. My criteria for messaging a guy was if he had a nice "aura" (something in the profile spoke to me) and did he at least go to college. That was pretty much it. In return I got to chat with lots of neat guys, lots of whiney petty idiots and a few obvious con artists. (And then obviously one good one who I did message first ) Oh & I used a free site too, after all if it wasn''''t going to be my main avenue to meet a guy, why pay for it?

Just don''''t go overboard pinning your hopes on OLD and trying to explain every facet of yourself & I think you''''ll find the whole experience much more pleasant.

[This message edited by cayc at 1:58 PM, June 19th, 2013 (Wednesday)]

She11y,

Don't know where you live but as an additional alternative to dating sites, you may want to also try a site called [meetup.com]. The site is well respected and has worldwide membership. It's main focus is to offer a portal where like minded people can meet for outings they have particular interest in. Those outings are great places to meet other singles. All meetings are in a group setting so they are safe. Groups and activities range the full gamut of human interest and include hiking, dinning out, bike riding, travel, concerts and clubs just to name a few.

I started off on Meetup through a local Divorce Support Group and it has morphed into me joining 5 other groups. I could easily do something fun every night of the week if I wanted.

Anyway, just a suggestion you may want to consider.

I've also had good luck with meetup.com, but not in a SO-finding kind of way. I've now been out with a couple of different groups, and met some great people. There are groups for just about any interest a person might have, and you have something in common right off the bat to talk about.

I have done absolutely nothing on OLD except browse. I don't want to date, but I was looking more to convince myself that there are men out there when the time comes, an they're not all creepy, stalky, senders of dick pics, or serial killers. I did a bare bones profile for eharmony and match to enable the browsing, but paid for nothing. Match kept suggesting people like "dickpleaser12" (what the hell?) but eharmony made me feel better about my future prospects. It matched me with 2 physicians, a corporate attorney and like 5 accountants. Oh, and a special ed teacher. I was almost willing to propose to that one on the spot!

As I said, I haven't met or communicated with anyone, and I don't intend to, but eharmony had a better "feel" for me than match.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 9:29 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]