(((s&c)))
I'm so sorry! Words just can't express how my heart goes out to you.
Perhaps you need to file and focus on your new life without him, and take steps to make it exciting and fun for you. I know that's hard to hear right now, but at this point, you must make it all about you.
This doesn't mean that there's no hope that he will never get his head on straight, but it will empower you emotionally, and this is what you need whether he ever wakes up or not.
Be sure to drink lots of water and eat right. Go No Contact with him. Get enough activity during the day to drop exhaustedly into bed at night so that you can sleep, and take time each day to make some sort of plan for a rosy future for yourself, even if all you do is daydream about it. It will begin to look more and more appealing, and then you will take steps towards that.
It may feel like he has all the power right now, but he doesn't realize that when he is ready to come crawling back to you, you will be the one to decide if he has that option or not. You will have it all together.
As for tomorrow, Happy Birthday, and I hope you have a close friend or family member to share it with.
Hugs to you!
Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M