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Reconciliation :
An apology

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 musiclovingmom (original poster member #38207) posted at 3:10 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

I wrote, and sent, my anger to my H (he's working out of town at the moment). I've been asking him to write me an apology with specific things he is sorry for. He responded to my letter with this one and I was floored! He is not so good at articulating specifics and the amount of effort he put into this is astounding. Sure it took 10 months, but wow.

I have been working on this for quite a while even though you haven't seen me do it. You asked me for a specific list of things I'm sorry for and not just a general apology. This is my list as of today:

First and foremost I'm sorry that I have shown you a man who is not the real me. I'm sorry that I have constantly lied to your face even when you have tried to call me out on them. I'm sorry that I shared something with other people that I should've shared with only you.

I'm sorry that there is not a single day that goes by that is not ruined by thoughts or feelings of what I've done to you.

I'm sorry that I have left you without transportation and money.

I'm sorry that you can't look at me without wondering if I'm doing it again.

I'm sorry that you can no longer believe anything I say.

I'm sorry that I've caused you anger and heartache that makes you question yourself.

I'm sorry that I've made you feel like a coward, or gullible, or stupid.

I'm sorry that you feel like other people are laughing at you behind your back.

I'm sorry that the other people who were involved will never feel remorse, or guilt, or the kind of pain your experiencing.

I'm sorry that I can't take the pain away and make it stop.

I'm sorry that I say I'm sorry all the time but don't explain why I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I am selfish.

I'm sorry that I don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

I'm sorry that I killed the man you used to know and love.

I'm sorry that I can't remember the exact details that you need to know to heal.

Most of all I'm sorry that I've hurt you and that I have caused you to cry

I love you with all my heart, I'm not perfect and we both know I'm gonna screw up on occasion. I don't want to ever take a chance of losing you and my family. It's too perfect to throw away

posts: 1764   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2013
id 6383277
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TheClimb ( member #25895) posted at 3:21 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

That just might have been worth the wait! Perhaps this should go in the Healing Library.

"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

posts: 498   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Southern Maryland
id 6383287
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karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 3:23 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Damn, that made me cry.

Nice MLM, really nice.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

posts: 4036   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 6383289
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hurt&unsure ( new member #34240) posted at 3:30 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

those are words I think a lot of us are waiting to hear.

BS (me) 36
WS (him) 34
D Day 12/8/11
Married 11 years, together 14
Daughters, 7 and 3
PA resulted in OC Nov. '11

posts: 28   ·   registered: Dec. 18th, 2011
id 6383300
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Markay81 ( new member #39387) posted at 4:07 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

wow I loved reading this. Makes my heart feel there is hope. I never thought about asking my WH for a letter. Now I just might have to do that.

Ugh! Sometimes reality sucks.
BS (me) 31
WH (him) 33
OW - married Bar Whore Rig Rat
Married 14 years
3 amazing kids
DDay-3/03/2013 TT.The whole truth came out(hopefully) 06/09/2013
Currently on the roller coaster of R.

posts: 48   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2013
id 6383325
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AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 10:07 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Damn, that made me cry.

^^me too

Awesome

BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"

posts: 2859   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2012
id 6383454
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 4:59 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

That's a lovely, specific letter.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6384109
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CATransplant ( member #39567) posted at 6:19 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

That was truly a beautiful loving apology. I want those words to flow from his pen to my H heart. You are truly blessed.

Me BS
H FWS
M 3/27/12 together since 06'
A EA/PA 4/19/13/5/26/13
DD 6/12/13
Forced NC 6/13/13
MOW coworker-caught,TT for six months.

posts: 161   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 6384147
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 musiclovingmom (original poster member #38207) posted at 4:04 AM on Monday, June 24th, 2013

Still today I tear up reading this. I have it saved and flagged in my inbox so that I can easily find it whenever I start to freak out. The next several days are going to be rough (thankfully, I'm teaching VBS, so I have a lot to keep me busy). I'm so glad I have this to remind me that his heart and head are both in our marriage.

posts: 1764   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2013
id 6384971
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TXBW68 ( member #36456) posted at 5:43 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2013

I teared up too!

My H said a lot of those things to me just yesterday.

It's wonderful to know that they finally understand what their selfish behavior has put us through. That email is definitely a keeper!!

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

posts: 792   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Dallas, TX
id 6385444
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twodoves ( member #39181) posted at 5:46 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2013

Yep, definitely words a lot of us would love to hear.

That is a wonderful apology.

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

posts: 160   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 6385448
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LivinginLimbo ( member #35004) posted at 5:48 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2013

Definitely worth the wait.

BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years


D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.

posts: 1246   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2012
id 6385450
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