I hear you, WGB.
I'm triggering by some of the divorce things, but am fully aware that it's my future and DD's and baby's if I mess up.
We are working our way towards court and trying to get as much done as possible to try to save that kind of time and money. Each of us have to borrow it to pay the lawyers. I hope he has to borrow more. 
In my logging/journals and "research", discrepancies are coming up that he and his L are trying to get away with but I am catching and showing to my L.
My L will mention some of it in mediation or make a "surprise" change and this brings out the NPD in a huge way.
His lawyer is hugely rude and mocks me, telling me things with the house against the rules I should do, like when the assessors come and how to lie...I told him, I can't lie, not to anyone, not now especially, do you know what your client did to us? And so I told him I would just give the assessors his and Perv's numbers. It shut each up and they turned beat red.
I found a big discrepancy in the finances pages and some flubbed numbers that I showed to L. I went to great length and made sure to do the back-up research and now Perv is extra ticked because L is going to do the wage garnishing, so also a double whammy because he can't hide it at his new job. I think he will be horribly embarrassed and it will be a reminder of all that he's done.
Just some things to reiterate that I totally understand what you're saying. I went so long almost taking these things for granted and now it's double-have to keep the creditor records, kids activities and Wh-grown kid-activities.
I keep a log of the visiting, also-not much detail, but Perv is not taking it seriously and not punctual, either with phone calls or visits. He thinks he can continue on in this way and will someday find out he cannot.
And the days OW is not around I get messages and they take up time, but I find myself not answering many. I also find some changes in behavior when the hostility is bigger and suspect OW is after him for something?
