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Last night after the gym I came home, got cleaned up, and went to a local sports bar. I figured I'd stay an hour, have two beers, listen to the band, and just mess around on my phone. My BIL's friend was there (I've known him for 15 years now) and the friend's brother's band was playing. So I ended up staying and had a good time with people. This morning I was thinking about it and I thought about how some people feel like they have to have had a "crazy" period in their life from 18-25 where they drank a lot, did drugs, etc. Like they missed out on something if they didn't. I never did that, I never felt the need to and I didn't have the desire to. I guess in a way STBX and I "'missed" that opportunity because we got engaged when I was 18, married when I was 21, had our own house and a kid at 23 (he is a year and a half older than me). Through out our relationship he has alluded to the things he has "missed." After dday the excuse that he never had a lot of girlfriends came up. And he would always be resentful of me because I'd be mad if he got drunk...like I was trying to control him. No...I just don't want to be pregnant dragging a man covered in puke off my couch onto the tile. Or just having given birth, having to change the sheets and blankets at 3 in the morning because he puked all over them. You can have fun...in a responsible way. Be fucking considerate of the person you supposedly love. Or ya know...after going to a bachelor party, getting drunk, sexting your whore the whole time, being pissed that I was pissed because you were supposed to take care of the kids the next morning while I had something to do at church, and puking on your side of the bed and letting me smell it all night. Yeah....that's responsible....getting that drunk and knowing you had to DRIVE YOUR FUCKING KIDS. And yes, all those things happened.

Anyway, my point was I don't get why people think they HAVE to do those things. Eh...just more proof of what a child he is. Sorry I ruined your life by being a responsible person. Well, now he can be the old creepy guy trying to relive his youth. Good luck having anyone of substance in your future. Ha!

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 10:05 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]

I've gotten that one, too. How he "missed out" on things, but we were in our mid 20s when we married, and he was a high school dropout and had plenty of "play time" doing drugs and drinking and sleeping around in his teens and early 20s..

These idiots need to learn to grow up already.. I don't know why they feel the need to be irresponsible selfish frat boys either. They aren't the kids anymore, they are the PARENTS.

Guess I should have known something was wrong when he was wasted drunk when my water broke with BOTH of my children, and I drove myself to the hospital BOTH times.. I'll just add that to the checklist of red flags I missed and reasons I should have left him sooner than I did..

But I'm glad you had a nice time last night! It's so great to get out and have some fun. It's one thing to have a few drinks and listen to a band and be social. Puking all over the bed and being too hung over to take care of your children? Yeah, not okay.. I remember waking up to find my POS peeing in the trash can in our room

FTGs..

Holy Shite.... I got that excuse with XSO as part of the reason he wanted to end our 8 year relationship. I met him when I was 43 he was 45, both BSs. He was frigging 27 when he married his WW spouse. He was getting crazy with OW, she was 26yo(he was 53). She takes care of him, cleans his house, organizes his business, garage, gardens for him etc. In playing house, she is playing his mommy.

I am a mom to 4 girls, he was in the picture for most of their teen years(youngest was 17 when we ended). I am looking forward to NOT having to take care of everyone - and he wanted/no he (his words) 'NEEDED someone to put him first and take care of him'. He wanted a mommy.

More and more I am glad he ended it... some days I can see the gift his choice has given me. This is one of those days.

Thank you for starting this thread.

I will be a mother forever to my kids... but I don't need to be my partners mommy.

Hugs,

K

[This message edited by Kajem at 10:27 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]

Yeah...that time he puked on the bed, DD7 was a week old and I woke up to him facing the window just standing there. I asked what he was doing and he said going to the bathroom. Luckily I must have just caught him as he went over because he didn't pee. But then proceeded to stumble and almost land on the bassinet with the baby in it. I like how we are the controlling ones. If we weren't on their asses, shit wouldn't get done! I've got the, "but what about me time," rant over and over. Well listen Jerkface, the problem is that you think all free tie should be you time and you never get anything done. It's the PA in them. And we are stuck because if we don't do it ourselves or repeatedly ask, it won't get done. And if we ask, even nicely...even after letting it go for weeks and weeks, we are the controlling bitches trying to take their time.

My WH was like this too, getting extremely drunk and puking everywhere. Each time he promised it was his last "big night out". After DD he said it was part of feeling like he had missed out on something. He was 20 when we met, 24 when we got married and 29 when our first child was born. He had plenty of wild times at uni and we had a fantastic social life during our early and his mid twenties (I was 26 when DS1 was born). He didn't miss out on anything, it's just another excuse. On those occasions when he got that drunk I made it clear how unacceptable it was for a father to act that way. It was doubly irresponsible of him and he knew how personally I would take it as my mum is an alcoholic and I am very sensitive to the subject. But he did it anyway. Prick.

And you know if we used that excuse now we'd be wrong.

Some people never grow the hell up.

If a person is in the same life-stage and making the same kind of decisions as a brand new adult when they are FAR older, that person sucks at life.