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an earlier post got me thinking and wanting to prepare myself for the A season of fall. this is when i had my A and ruined that great time for my family. ok so i know it will be torturous for my BS and i want to know what I can do to ease her pain during this time. any and all advise would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance

I think you should discuss this with your BS. She may have specific suggestions of what will help. Make sure your words and actions match. Being loving, open, honest, supportive, and giving hugs, goes a long way. Sending you both strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:08 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]

Bumping so others can read and give advice.

We worked together to thoroughly plan our first A season. Our A season covered my birthday, fWS birthday, our DS birthday, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. We threw out all our family traditions and started completely fresh. We planned new adventures for all birthdays and holidays as well as significant dates of the A.

We planned it all out together with back up plans to our plans in case things went south. We built a lot of great new memories with each other and our family as our focus.

Many of these new activities will become new family traditions.

[This message edited by Chicho at 7:34 AM, July 1st (Monday)]

LTA here. WH carried n a long distance thing for 16 months on my count. So he ruined the whole year. But d day was Christmas, so I will focus on that as the thing that we most had to recover or survive or that was most threatening to us. We worked together to plan a Christmas unlike any we had before. We went to a beautiful city, where we had stayed at the start of our marriage. We went with our kids, and took our time to see old sights and new. It was helpful that we did something different than what we had done the year before. It was also helpful that we talked about it in advance. And that we planned it together. Not either of us steering it alone. Good on you for being proactive. Just be flexible- even the best of plans can go south with the littlest trigger. And be present and supportive and authentic,

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 7:50 AM, July 1st (Monday)]

BW here...

i am knee deep in what is my first "A Season" It has been hell. I trigger constantly thinking about where my WH's head was last year at this time, the things he was doing.

my best advice to you is actions. Words mean nothing if there are no actions to back them up. SHOW true remorse in your actions. Be there for your BS, anticipate situations that may cause triggers and recognize it, acknowledge it. Own what you did and work to become the person your BS and family deserve. Forge new family memories...take a painful day and create a new memory with a new activity...step outside the box and do different things with your family.

you cant change what you did....but you can change who you become from here on out. talk to your BS, ask her what she needs from you. keep communicating, keep talking, be there and be supportive. Remember, understand and accept that here WILL be bad days for her...how you conduct yourself on those bad days will speak volumes.