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guiltfilled11 (original poster new member #35713) posted at 12:48 PM on Monday, July 1st, 2013
2 years ago this week I made, by far, the biggest mistake of my life. 2 years ago I was the biggest jerk to all of the people that mean the most to me. 2 years ago I was the most self absorbed person on the planet. All I cared about was me and my A.
I have changed a lot in the last 2 years. I'm not perfect by any means but every mistake I make I learn from it and this one is no exception. I will never put anyone above my family, myself included, ever again.
I watch my wife struggle every day with me. She struggles with triggers, trust, and being able to open up to me and I have no one to blame but myself. I hate that I have caused her so much pain that continues to torture her on a daily basis.
The week ahead is what we call hell week. It's the hardest time of the year for her. I took the week off from work to help her, to distract her, and to show her that she is the only one that matters.
I will continue to say my I'm sorry's and I will support her through everything that lies ahead...
Hurtbuthoping12,
You are the one who loves and supports me through everything. I know you struggle every single day, I'm sorry I've made it that way for you. I promise to forever be here for you and never put you through any pain like that again. I love you.
[This message edited by guiltfilled11 at 10:07 AM, July 1st (Monday)]
Me - WH - 30 (Stupid selfish husband)
BS - 27
3 Amazing Children
D-day - 7/6/11
R begins - 8/29/11
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 3:23 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2013
(((guiltfilled & Hurtbuthoping)))
It sounds like you have come far in this journey and are really working on R. I think your idea to take time off of work to focus on helping your BS through this antiversary was a great idea. Sending you both strength to get through the coming week.
Pudding ( member #37168) posted at 5:25 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2013
Hugs to you both. You are doing the right thing and hopefully she will appreciate the strength of your commitment to help her heal.
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 6:08 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2013
I wish you well and I wish you peace.
Even though you did something very wrong, your family is lucky and I envy them the change to try to be a family again. We don't have that and we lost to another family who took STBX away from us (yes, he went).
I hope it will work out the way you want and you sound very kind about your wife's suffering.
STBX made fun of mine and mocked me when I spoke of triggers.
I wish the best for you.
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 8:58 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2013
I just wanted to add that your proactiveness in anticipating her needs, speaks volumes. 
guiltfilled11 (original poster new member #35713) posted at 1:51 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Today's the day.
It has been a daily "good week" all things considering. Ups and downs for her I know but we've stayed busy and had a lot of family time which I've thoroughly enjoyed. Today we plan on staying home for another family day by the pool.
I hope I can provide the much needed love and support for her that I know she needs today. I hate to see her in pain, especially knowing that its pain that I've caused.
Me - WH - 30 (Stupid selfish husband)
BS - 27
3 Amazing Children
D-day - 7/6/11
R begins - 8/29/11
Knowing ( member #37044) posted at 2:28 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Glad you've had a good week! Have you been able to get away alone together? Today might be a good day for that.
BW, R last 4 years of marriage out of 15... FINALLY, HAPPILY DIVORCING!
We are in R.
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