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HurtButHoping12 (original poster member #34918) posted at 4:10 AM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
It doesn't feel any easier than last year. A few hours shy of 2 years ago, at 2:30am on July 6th, I finally listened to my screaming gut and snooped in my WH's phone. I found the text messages... the talking about me, the "I love you"'s. I still remember every moment of it with crystal clarity, like it was yesterday :(
Tomorrow is going to be hard 
All I can do is try to keep busy, keep the mind movies at bay and get through the day.
BW (me):31
WH (guiltfilled11): 32
together 12 years, married 6 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 8, DS 6, DD 4
Leigh1983 ( new member #39711) posted at 5:16 AM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
I'm sorry to hear you are 2 years on and still feeling the pain. We are about months into R and I was hoping it would get better with time.....Does it seem we can try to forgive but never forget?
BW (me)37, WH 38 (suffering Depression)
M 2004
DS 4 DD 1
DD Oct 26 2012
A ended Nov 16 2012
Trying to see the positives while looking at my children's beautiful smiles
Leigh1983 ( new member #39711) posted at 5:22 AM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
BW (me)37, WH 38 (suffering Depression)
M 2004
DS 4 DD 1
DD Oct 26 2012
A ended Nov 16 2012
Trying to see the positives while looking at my children's beautiful smiles
Althea ( member #37765) posted at 1:11 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
(((HurtButHoping)))
I'm coming up on our first antiversary and am struggling with the same flashbacks - seeing the phone and emails, confronting WH, him lying to my face, packing our kids up and leaving. It is all so sad.
It seems like things are compounded for you because your WH isn't doing a whole lot to make you feel secure in staying in your marriage. 
Good luck today.
Taking it one day at a time.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 2:50 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
(((HurtButHoping12)))
I'm so sorry you are struggling. Please be gentle with yourself today. Lean on us. Sending you strength and support to help you through today.
dameia ( member #36072) posted at 3:01 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
(((HurtButHoping12)))
My first antiversary is tomorrow, so you are not alone. Sending peace and good thoughts your way!
Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
HurtButHoping12 (original poster member #34918) posted at 3:51 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Today is just awful. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet. FWH thinks that if he posts a few things on SI and mopes around that it makes it all better. Well, it doesn't. In fact, it makes me angry and irritates because he doesn't deserve to mope around and feel sorry for himself today. The only reason today isn't just a normal day because of the messed up things he has one. I feel on the verge of tears but also numb at the same time. I barely slept last night despite taking a sleep aid - had bad dreams all night. I just want the day to be over.
BW (me):31
WH (guiltfilled11): 32
together 12 years, married 6 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 8, DS 6, DD 4
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 9:46 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Just checking in with more hugs for you.
Have you talked to him about how you feel and what you need from him today? Some people need specifics while others naturally know what the other person needs as a source of comfort.
OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 9:51 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Thinking of you. Did the day get any better? Maybe do something kind for yourself today. What could you do to take care of yourself? Thinking of you.
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Lucky ( member #6864) posted at 9:55 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
(((HurtButHoping12)))
I'm so sorry you are in so much pain today. Maybe talk to him and let him know if there is something he can do to help you. Antiversary's are hard it brings back so much emotion and pain.
Be kind to yourself today try and go and do something that will cheer you up.
I'm so sorry.
♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥
sri624 ( member #33956) posted at 10:51 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
i am so sorry this is happening to you....i do understand. i am coming up on my antiversary in a few days as well...the discovery of false r.
try to hang in there....if you are mad, then that is okay...if you are sad, so be it....do what you need to do to heal and feel better. hugs to you.
BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance
HurtButHoping12 (original poster member #34918) posted at 12:08 AM on Sunday, July 7th, 2013
Well, I had a good cry in the shower, then tried to stay busy all day. Played with the kids and the dog, worked in the garden. WH didn't really do much except avoid me and say sorry a few times. I'm just really sick of spelling everything out for him - there comes a time when you need to figure it out for yourself.
He took this week off of work because of DD and we had some good days, but this was not one of them. He didn't do one thing to try to be extra special or nice. I don't know why I keep hopibg he will get it and do stuff like that... he never does. I should be used to it by now.
Oh well, I made a nice dinner more for myself than anything, and I'm counting the minutes until its bed time for the kids. Maybe I will go for a swim. I'm very glad this day is drawing to a close. At the rate we are going, who knows if I will even have to worry about dealing with an Antiversary, next year
BW (me):31
WH (guiltfilled11): 32
together 12 years, married 6 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 8, DS 6, DD 4
Memphis ( new member #39303) posted at 3:48 PM on Monday, July 15th, 2013
My friend, I am truly sorry. After a 40 year relationship with my 1st H, I left because of his infidelity. I was only aware of 2 times. I am newly remarried, and new promises made. One week before our first anniversary he cheated on me which is just beyond me. I am looking for closure but don't know what it looks like. We promised each other a better second year . . . we will see. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was told that there is forgiving but not forgetting, and if there is no closure it is nothing more than sweeping it under the rug which will eventually fester your feet. So, I an searching for closure, and I hope the same for you my friend.
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