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Vulcanized (original poster member #33523) posted at 1:01 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
My DD was almost 4 years ago. D was final 4 months ago. Have gone thru most of the stages that I've read about here, not alot of the anger, tho.
Thru out this whole nightmare, still feel 'love' for XH. Not so much romantic love, more of an agape sort. (I'm outing my inner hippie here. 
)
The more time that passes, the more I finally GET that I'm better off w/o XH. This morning, I'm enjoying the sunrise and it occurs to me that I'm LUCKY to be free of him. Even though I'm scared and confused, it still beats where I was pre-DD.
I held out hope for M & XH for over 3 years. I wasted that time on a man who is damaged beyond fixing himself, yet I still loved. I cried over all of it, even last week still.
I guess the point of all of this is to encourage those of you who are earlier in the process. It really, really does get better.
I never thought I'd actually feel relief that I'm D'd from him.
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now:-----> Everything is as it should be
freshstart78 ( new member #39556) posted at 1:07 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
I know exactly how u feel.....I just wanted u to know I get it
Don't be afraid to start over. Its a new chance to rebuild what you want! D-day 8-05-2011. Me/BW-41. Him/WH-41.
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 1:14 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
Yep. Not so odd I don't think.
Good for you.
But no anger?? 
wow. I don't know what that looks like. I embraced that angry stage.
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 1:24 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
I'm glad you feel lucky to be free of him. I have that feeling too and I really, really like it. 
Hmmmm...maybe I got your anger. At least it seemed to be my most visited stage of grief.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
it still beats where I was pre-DD.
Abso-frikking-lutely.
I don't love him anymore - I DO still need to mourn. I think mourning can be confusing sometimes. We don't love who they have shown themselves to be but we can sometimes still love who we thought they were.
In my case I gaslighted myself for so long that it felt impossible to see him as he really is instead of who I hoped he was, who I wished him to be.
But its not impossible. Little by little I let stopped seeing what I wanted to see and started seeing what was really happening.
It sure ain't pretty.
Anger is a weird one for me - I don't feel angry at him for what he did anymore (I don't think??) but I do feel incredibly angry for what he is doing to my girls. I can't see myself ever NOT feeling angry about that.
What he did to me seems the lesser evil here IYKWIM?
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
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