SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm having a surprisingly hard time with it. I've spent the day today packing, cleaning, throwing things away... Tomorrow I'm doing the actual moving. At the age of 32, I will be renting a room from my 26 year old brother and his fiance. Four people and five dogs living under the same roof until the end of the month when a roommate and a dog are moving out. All the way across town from where I work.

I'm finding all sorts of shit that I wish I wasn't. I found the birthday card that my awesome and sweet little nephew sent me for my 31st birthday. I'll probably never see him again. I found a box of cards and love letters from me to the ex in a drawer. She never once wrote one back to me. I suppose it would have been insincere if she had, since she was cheating on me off and on through our whole ten year relationship. So why the fuck did she marry me then?

Anyhow, I'm not having a whole lit of fun. I'm going to miss living here but even more, it's making me realize how much I miss the life I thought I had. Not her, mind you. She was awful and I just grinned and bared it because I was so deep in shitty codependent love that I couldn't see her for who she was.

Moving sucks. I'll be doing it again in a few months but at least it will be because I want to rather than because I have to.

I've moved five times in as many years, so I know the feeling.

I gave him back all the letters and cards -- they became pretty meaningless after everything I found out.

It devastated him, poor muffin, he still can't bring himself to read them over and remember the choices he made.

It's a process, but there is something cleansing about purging and moving on.

I pitched 10 plus years worth of cards today. I looked at a few. The early years they are addressed to "my lover" or "sweetheart". The card 2 years before the A started was a milestone birthday. A year before A was a milestone anniversary. From these cards until a year post dday all cards have no handwritten sentiment, just addressed to "new normal", love stbx. Cold. Impersonal. Shesh! He checked out years before!

It's not an easy process, h0peless, but it is cathartic.

((((hugs))))

Grrr... Just got an e-mail from the realtor that closing is pushed back to the end of the month instead of this Thursday as communicated earlier this week. Looks like I can slow down a bit. I'm still going to try to get everything out that isn't absolutely essential this weekend so that when I do actually move, it won't be more than some clothes, a bed and a dresser. Prolonging the agony and taking away some of the stress at the same time, I guess.

Don't have any advice. Just wanted to say you're not alone. I'm also moving the end of the month and packing has been hell on my emotions. So many memories rewritten in a painful way.

Good luck!