Crash!~ For one...name it what it is. Simply recognize you are triggering.
That panicky feeling? Tightness in your chest? Slightly out of breath, feeling "off", jittery, grumpy. Mind racing?
It took me a little time to recognize ^^^^ was me "triggering" over something. I was "thrown back" into the pain for something that happened in the present. I think it is a mild form of PTSD. I was shut down for a full year after d-day, my brain unable to handle the information that was coming at me. When I tried to think, my mind would go black/blank/nothing. As my life calmed down, then my brian could begin to handle the mind fuck.
As I began to date, after doing some serious healing/growing/therapy, my IC would help me to recognize what the trigger was. For example, very early on, a friend of a friend set me up on a "group date". I remember watching the guy texting on his phone and I felt panicky. I zeroed in on his phone and felt almost a hate towards it.
Of course, recognized later that the "guy texting on his phone when it wasn't appropriate" was reminding me of ex and his behavior.
My IC helped me to rationalize what was happening to my body/emotions. Realize it is an inanimate object. Realize not all men are inappropriate, breathe and settle down. Talk myself through the "trigger".
Oddly, phones still trigger me very slightly. (Those phones hold secrets...at least that is how my world was. It was always locked and protected and he was forever on it.) Now, I barely trigger, and if I do...then I just talk myself through it.
But, it took awhile for me to recognize that I WAS triggering, then had to learn to pinpoint the trigger. Now, I am much better at all of that and rarely trigger. When I do trigger, I just remove myself from the situation/person that triggers me.
Another example, an acquaintance up the street told me her marriage was crumbling and wanted my advice. (it seems to be one of those..."we just grew apart" stories, I can't relate...) Trigger city...no thank you. I have just told her I'm not the person she needs to talk to and have not engaged. The "old" cmego would have tried to help her, offer advice, etc. The "new" cmego avoids situations where I might forfeit any of my emotional strength. I've learned to protect myself more. I need people around me that SUPPORT me, not constantly want advice or need something from me...or are acting stupid.
I didn't have anxiety before d-day. I am an introvert and social situation were/are stressful, but not anxiety.
I had my first panic attack soon after we separated, and had about 3 more over the next few months. They calmed down as soon as I could recognize it starting and talked myself through it. I haven't had one in...2 years.
I found new friends in my neighborhood, joined MeetUp divorce support group and found a good friend there. I have good online SI friends I turn to when I need them. When I come across a single mom IRL, I kinda 'feel her out" to see if she is similar to me. If she is still stuck in the past, we don't click. I click better with woman who are looking forward and doing something with their lives. It is a conscious choice to have people in my lives that support me and do not drain me.
Another example: ex created his other life via his travel schedule. He traveled a ton for work, and just took the guys with him. So, now if I read an OLD profile and it says they "travel for work", my immediate reaction is "no way, jose." BUT, then I talk myself through the "Not everyone is ex. There are decent guys out there who don't cheat when they travel." and I relax and then read their profile. And give them a chance :)
Does that help? I don't know how else to explain except I just talk myself through the trigger. The hard part for me, in the beginning, was recognizing I was triggering, and pinpointing why.