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circleoflife (original poster new member #39702) posted at 8:33 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013
So my therapist is already saying WS is very unlikely to ever change. He is 39 years old and unless he is prepared to do deep deep IC sessions and MC sessions, most likely he will never change. Then I got that gut feeling again. I feel as if she might be on to something. She stated he is an adult child who lives in a fantasy world (he also did online cheating) he is a big online gamer too. We didn't have a good foundation in the first place, so I'm beginning to think--I really don't even know anymore.
He went to 1 IC session and has another appointment scheduled.
Does anyone think someone can "really" change and does the age really a factor? I guess she is referring to being set in ways.
Sorry if I'm all over the place. TIA
Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13
Jennifer99 ( member #39551) posted at 8:38 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013
It could be age and being set in their ways or it could be the underlying reasons for the person being the way they are - past problems, issues, etc. that the person refuses to address?
Faithful w/Love ( member #33128) posted at 8:38 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013
He can change if he wants to and with help.
BS(ME)41 WH(HIM)38
DD 21 and DS 16
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
Lyonesse ( member #32943) posted at 9:31 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013
The key word is "unlikely," not "impossible." Two factors here:
1. Is he committed to change?
2. Are you willing to wait while he works on it?
My H is almost 60 and did everything he could to hide from change. But after 18 months, he finally dug in and he is doing it. It is possible. But it definitely took its toll on me.
If he is just starting IC, I'd give it a month or so, with a lot of hard questions for yourself and for him about what kind of M you would like to have. You absolutely do not owe him any kind of chance, if you are done. That is fine. You also do not have to make a decision immediately. The only thing that you need to do is concentrate on healing from this. You will be much clearer on whether you want to continue with him in a few months' time.
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