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hopefor1day (original poster new member #39815) posted at 4:06 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
Today is my birthday. I have had a wonderful day full of love and happiness. Despite what I have done to my husband in the past and the way he feels about me he made today great! We hardly talked about our problems, actually laughed together and we had a wonderful dinner. He takes such good care of me and does what he can to make me feel good and have the best birthday. Problem is, 2 years ago tomorrow is the day that my affair got physical. Tomorrow is going to be a bad day. He will have a roller coaster of emotions. There will be anger, hate, sadness, frustration and plain old unhappiness. The good of today will be ruined by my selfish decisions I made.
We have already talked a bit about tomorrow and I have offered my support and understanding and tried to let him know that I am here to talk if and when he needs to. What else can I offer him to help us make it through this day? I wonder, is it possible to make a new day out of tomorrow and make it about us? What can be done to create a new, better memory of tomorrow? I wish I could take all the bad, hurtful memories away and create something better. I will cherish today forever as the day that we felt normal again even if it was just for a day.
FWS Me 32
BS Him 36
“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
―
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 4:11 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
I don't have an answer except to continue to be proactive. Even if tomorrow is bad for your BH, if you are present and there for him, it will be remembered when things get better for you BH.
trytoforgive ( member #27330) posted at 4:34 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
It's really important that you take your cues from him and make sure your skin is tough. He may want you around reassuring, and he may want you as far away as possible- and he might vacillate between the 2 every 5 minutes. Let him know that you will do whatever he needs- and like Baxter said, let him know that you are there- and present.
Me- W 38
Him- H 40
Long time lurker...Sometimes poster...
DDay 8/14/2009
DD 15
DS 10
OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 9:39 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
BW here. I read that you have asked him what he needs from you and how you can support him. In the vein of being proactive, I would really appreciate if my WH took the initiative and was proactive enough to suggest several ideas of how to take back the day. And was open to me vetoing them all. So I would appreciate that he was proactive and thinking outside of the box or usual toolkit of our relationship and patterns. Maybe you have already done that. But you could suggest something new or a favorite activity of the two of you or something in between those two. For example, If you hike, a new trail. If you like to watch films, new film. Or doing something completely new or something completely familiar. The novel seems to help me though in taking days back.
We took our first d day back by celebrating Christmas in a city that we had visited together on our honeymoon, but had never visited with our children or at the holidays. It was a combo of the old and new.
Good luck and savor that day you had today or yesterday by now. .
[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 3:40 AM, July 26th (Friday)]
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
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