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huRtZ413 (original poster member #39214) posted at 5:26 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
It kills me I don't want us to end he made that choice to step out all on his own .... So did all the other WS that's what they should get why should they go on and have us after it all ...... This is what bothers me so much because I want us still and so does he but he got to have this indiscretion without losing it all it unfair I wish I could choose not to love him but its no option I'm here left in my sorrow .
Yesterday I cried .....I could hear my own heart ache echo through the house I cried so hard I had to lean over and keep my heart from falling out and I'm sure my neighbor heard my horrible screaming cry.
I just wanted to not be there in my body at that moment
me_BW
him_WH
I'M ON THE FENCE
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 5:29 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
TICKED OFF ( member #8291) posted at 5:29 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
huRtZ413 I am going to pm you today. Most of us know exactly what you are going through. I am a long timer and I will try to give you the best advice I can.
ArableSands ( member #39830) posted at 5:57 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
huRtZ I am there with you in the anguish and pain, that fathomless abyss of agony. I know it so well, even after less than a month.
I wish I could stop loving my wife, who my wife was, the girl I met and I married and cherished above all. But now it seems like she has all the power, even though I'm the one who was cheated on.
I feel lost, and crushed, and disposable. So I am right there with you. If I lived near you I would bring you hot tea and give you a big hug, and that would help me too.
bytheboard ( member #37741) posted at 6:00 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
I can't tell you how much I relate to your words... Truly wish that I could help more but I want you to know that you are not alone, you are heard and understood. Thinking of you today...
BW: sparrow 34
WH: 45 SA(regretswhatidid)
DDays: 9/3/12 ,9/10/12 ,9/12/12 ,10/01/12 ,12/03/12, 2/24/12... quit counting most recent 4/19/17 all pre DDay but no end to TT
3x ONS= 2CL hook-ups,1 on TDY
46 Craigslist Ads, AFF, chatrooms,
4EA w/pas
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 6:01 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
OldCow18 ( member #39670) posted at 6:08 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
I totally relate. I feel the *only* justice in this situation is to divorce him. But I have kids and I have to decide if my need for justice is more than their need for me to go to the mat for this marriage. I'm still here for them.
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13
Abbondad ( member #37898) posted at 6:36 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
So sorry, Hurtz,
I have been there as well--that deep wracking wailing pain.
So many chances were offered. We begged, changed, opened ourselves again and again in the name of saving our family. But they made their choices and left us with none.
It is they who divorced us. That is how I am choosing to frame this.
Strength to you.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 6:46 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:21 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
I just wanted to not be there in my body at that moment
I feel like this so often.
(((huRtZ413))) you are not alone. I know it feels like we are but were not. I know there are days (and I have a lot of them still) That the pain and sorrow are so strong that I often will feel like doing ANYTHING to get away from it.
I try not to resort to bad coping mechanisms, but I sometimes do and it is scary.
Maybe you can take a break from life and treat yourself to something nice today!
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 2:22 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
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