SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why does this stuff always come in waves? First I'm fine, I can deal, I am hurt but it is manageable and I am even able to put it aside, see a future, have some fun. Then I hit a wall and the awful reality comes crashing into me and I am just so sad about he whole thing. But the worst part seems to be when I am angry at my husband and have the desire to stomp on his balls while he is sleeping. That's where I'm at right now. And the worst part is that I am stuck in Alaska at my brother-in-law's new father-in-law's house right now. My husbands brother just got married two days ago, I was in the wedding and so was my son and husband. The very last thing I wanted to do was travel thousands of miles to stay in a stranger's house for a week and stand through wedding vows, especially considering that the beginning of August is when his disgusting affair started last year. But here I am, and I have even been cheerful most of the time. It is the last two days here, yesterday I was really sad, the wedding was hard for me, listening to my brother-in-law vow to be an honest and faithful husband was awful, I couldn't help remembering that my own husband broke those promises. And since I am following the normal pattern of this roller coaster, today I woke up and I just felt pissed and vindictive and like there is no way I am ever getting over this. I hate the anger stage, it seems like the most unreasonable of all the stages, I just want it to go away. It is so hard to work on reconciliation when you just want to punch your spouse. Anyway, just needed to share and vent. Thanks for reading.

[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 12:58 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

(((inshockandhurt)))

Weddings were really tough for me too. The vows can be triggery and all that happiness doesn't help when you are hurting so much inside. I hope that some venting has helped you out.

((inshock))

If I could make a suggestion: get outside and enjoy that beautiful state. Smell it, look at it, feel it. Walk on the beach, if you can.

I so understand weddings and how triggery they can be. Hugs!!

We got out and saw some pretty stuff the other day but now I am stuck inside watching Pocahontas because my two year old is sick. I am feeling a little better, I just hate this part. I know it's necessary but I wish I could get over everything and just be ok. Thanks

It's definitely a roller coaster ride. I was okay, for most of today, until about 30 minutes ago. I had been feeling angry, and that was helping me focus on creating an exit plan. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere the tears started flowing. I'm at work, so I locked myself in the bathroom until I could compose myself. I managed to, but reading your post about weddings and vows and stuff brought it back again, and I'm typing this reply through blurry eyes.

Know what I realized while I was in the bathroom though? I'm a f-ing dragon. Yup, that's right. I cry pink-sparkly magical tears, so that makes me a goddamn dragon, right? Who cares if it was just the effect of my make-up?? I am a goddamn dragon and I can get through this shit!

And so can you. You don't have to be a dragon, but it helps. Wishing you strength, inshockandhurt.