This Topic is Archived
CLRhope4her (original poster member #37243) posted at 10:08 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013
My WH had an A with my childhood BFF of 25 years. After the A I have essentially cut off all friendships. I don't really talk about the A-it's all held in. My WH's best friend lives about 9 hours away and he rarely sees him. However, he happened to go on a job in the same town and is getting to spend today with him. A few months ago his BFF came to visit family and spent a day with my WH. Both days I've found myself angry. Angry and sad he has a BFF. He's having conversations and talking about life with him. He's hanging out having fun and creating new memories. I'm here alone.
I know it's not right to feel such animosity because his BFF didn't betray him. But I have such a hard time getting over his role in losing mine. It's not rational to expect him not to have friends, but it so difficult when I have none. My BFF and I were friends as long as he and he and his have been-over 25 years.
I'm struggling on how to accept my loss while at the same time accepting he didn't lose, yet helped in the loss of mine. Not sure how to work my way through this one. 
BW- Me 35 & WH- Him 38
OW- My BFF for 25 years
DDay- 6/28/12 Final truth- 7/28/12
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.”
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 10:17 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013
(((hugs)))
I understand the loss of your friendship is difficult along with the double betrayal.
The only way to work through this is to change this
I don't really talk about the A-it's all held in
You cannot expect to heal and move forward if you hold the anger, sadness , fears all inside.
Your H needs to feel and hear about your pain. He needs to learn how to help you heal.
You won't be able to move forward without communication...
When he gets home I would sit him down and let it out. There is freedom in releasing your pent up pain.
If you need some help getting the convo started write a few things down or talk to an IC/MC about it...maybe even start the conversation in MC.
You cannot continue to hold it all in, it will destroy your ability to R.
And you deserve to be heard!
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
atsenaotie ( member #27650) posted at 2:50 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
You will continue to struggle so long as you hold things in and do not talk about them.
Getting out to establish a new social network is on you. The reasonable approach is for you to expand your social network, not to remove your FWHs. If you need time your FWH can help cover housework and such.
What has your FWH done to find the answers to why he had his A?
LTA FBS
dday 10.5.09
Divorced
betraydtwice ( member #38921) posted at 4:59 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I agree with them about talking, however as someone who has also had a double betrayal. I understand your feelings COMPLETELY. Double betrayals are so hard. It's one thing for H to cheat but to pick someone that was so important in our life's. Then to find that the OW valued him and their shit over us is traumatic
It twice as hard to get over and the loss of OW in ours lifes is very hard.
Hang in there.....hugs.
This Topic is Archived
