Hi TCD,
He had his affair because he was not good enough a man or partner to communicate and work within your relationship. It had nothing to do with how good you were, how much you weighed or how pretty you are.
I had plenty of friends and people who liked me.
You were good enough as a child too. We all (?) feel judged at times, and it expresses in the areas where WE feel our weakest, where OUR insecurities lie.
Literally shaking driving to his house and scared to enter the door. Why wasn't I good enough?
See, it was not that you were not good enough for him; it is that you did not perceive yourself as good enough so you accepted his treatment of you. You thought that if you were only good enough, he (and others) would have to love you. To like you. I understand this thinking; it was my dynamic with FWW for most of our M.
If I hate something about myself, I can take steps to correct it (loose weight, workout, join the Hair Club for Men), or I can figure out why I hate this aspect of myself and see if there is a way to accept me for who I am. If what I hate about myself is unhealthy it is probably worth the effort to change that behavior, but with the understanding that people will not love me any more just because I am 20# lighter.
When so many people have told you, you weren't good enough,…
I thought people were telling me that I was not good enough, but it was my inner voice telling me that. It was echoes from my childhood when nothing was never enough. I won a race or two at a meet, but had I practiced harder I might have won 3. I was an Eagle Scout, but my mother was disappointed I did not also earn the religion medal.
I now work much more at being the person that I want to be. I am glad to shed friends and acquaintances (even a FWW if it comes to that) who do not like who I am, and I have better relationships with the people I do have around me because I am being an authentic me.
Life “its your thing, do what YOU wanna to do” as the Isely Brothers might say
-Ats