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lostintally5581 (original poster member #37908) posted at 4:43 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
8 months out almost and the roller coaster is still going full blast. i can go days and weeks with out thinking about the A but when I does pop into my head the low is beyond low. I am still stuck on the sex part of the A and not the hurt that it has caused me. I still don't believe that he didn't enjoy sex with her 
because if he didn't why would he go back and do it again? I still don't feel like I will ever have the full story as WH doesn't know what any of the texts he and she sent said. that i actually believe because he doesn't remember half of my texts if he deletes them. I know there has been NC between them since DDAY as he no longer has a phone and email is something he never has done. but i have the passwords to the email he does have. and seeing as we live 100 miles away from OW now and have since 4 months out and I drive him to and from work cause we share a car. I hate that I don't trust him. I hate having to check in on him. the feeling I get when he takes to long to get his call at work.....or when he gets bombarded by problems at the end of the work day and ends up staying an extra 30 minutes.........some days I just want to end the marriage and be done with this hell that is my life.
There better not be a "next time"
DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 5:39 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
8 months isn't that far out. I am three years out and still have my bad days.
It takes time. But as many here have proven its possible to have a happy marriage again.
What is HE doing to help you?
What things are you doing for yourself? Are you in MC or IC? Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 6:55 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
After A trauma, there are 3 healings that need to occur simultaneously:
1. BS
2. WS
3. Marriage/Relationship
The first two may benefit from IC, and the third may respond well to the safe environment of MC.
some days I just want to end the marriage and be done with this hell that is my life.
Have you discussed this with an objective person in real life, like a mentor, pastor or IC?
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
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