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hobbeskat (original poster member #38805) posted at 8:47 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
I may still be a bit of a wreck, but I think I am close to forgiving you. Not forgetting, and not that we don't have making up and work to do. But I really no longer have any desire to punish you for anything. Even when hammered where I'm likely to be at my most emotional, I'm kind and loving about you when I wasnt previously. Because you have done and continue to do so much to help me feel loved and safe again and to earn my trust. So thank you for that. Sorry for texting, its because I'm going out and don't want to wake you up x
:)
And it's true.
Her, on the other hand, I will never forgive. But my raging hatred at her is fading.
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 9:01 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
Now that is a very nice text! 
Her, on the other hand, I will never forgive.
I totally get this. I made a conscious decision to never forgive the OM, and once I made that decision, it helped me start to let go of the hate, and he started take up less real estate in my head.
hobbeskat (original poster member #38805) posted at 9:04 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
I think I need to do that. I will never get over the fact that when I turned to her for help when he walked out, she said he'd never cheat on me and even offered to move in with me to help me with the rent. Never.
doesitgetbetter ( member #18429) posted at 11:28 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
Word of caution, don't feel bad if you find later on that you aren't as close as you thought to forgiving him. I thought I actually had forgiven him at about 4 months out, told him so as well. Almost immediately I realized I hadn't and started panicking about it, so I took it back (that was such a sad day for both of us). It took a full 2 years after that to actually get to the point of forgiveness. I had to process all the phases of healing first, the acceptance, the grieving, etc. And that takes a while, it's a marathon, not a sprint. But enjoy the good days while they are here.
DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - WS
Us - working on R - again
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, turns out he is a SAWH, status, working harder than before
May 22, 2019 -slip/relapse. He forgot he has to work forever
whattheh ( member #40032) posted at 11:31 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
what doesitgetbetter said...
we've learned forgiveness is a process and has stages too...
Check out the book "How Can I Forgive You" by Janice Abrams Spring.
My fWH and I are currently working thru geniune forgiveness.
[This message edited by whattheh at 5:31 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]
Retired & now in 60's-M 39 Yrs-DD 2013-TT for 3 yrs (new details incl there had been 3 more MOWs)--all this started with porn use for mid 50s WH (felt he was possessed)~~Cheating and aftermath is huge time waste with high opportunity cost~~
hobbeskat (original poster member #38805) posted at 11:31 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
His reply: You have been wonderful to me during this time, I wasn't able to deal with what I did initially and my inability to discuss anything must have made it even more difficult for you. I Love you and want us to survive this mess. It's beginning to feel better, more solid. I did notice you were hammered without messaging me upset, and I interpreted it as a promising sign. I adore you. You're a glorious human being. P.S. I drove the DLR xxx
ccw82 ( member #40133) posted at 11:34 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2013
I liked your disclaimer:
"Not forgetting, and not that we don't have making up and work to do."
It cautions him that tough times are likely still ahead, but that you're open to forgiveness.
Me (BW): 39
WXH (1DumbHusband): 43
We were married for over 11 years; now divorced.
BIG D-Day: June 17th, 2013
Too many freaking TTs that cost us our marriage in the end.
"Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice."
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 1:03 AM on Sunday, August 18th, 2013
What a great text and wonderful response. You are lucky!!
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