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sodamnlost (original poster member #37190) posted at 11:24 PM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2013
Struggling with what's "normal" as an ACOA and from the effects of the mind-f*&kery caused by WH's A (during and after while he was an asshat!) has been a big issue for me. Today I went with WH to meet his new IC. His last one - well, let's just say he couldn't possibly spot any of WH's issues because I swear he is a wayward in hiding. Anyways, WH has been saying this one is different and wanted me to see.
Holy crap he wasn't kidding. It was like hearing me talk but in an older man's voice. I am *SO* not crazy!!! He confirmed so many "issues" I have been having it was crazy. Mind you he started doing this right away when WH first started going and it's not like WH went in and said "my wife says I have THESE issues."
Just very reassuring to hear that I am NOT crazy. What I am seeing is NOT "OK" and what I am feeling is pretty normal. Now - how to actually convince myself my gut is wayyy smarter than I give it credit for....
Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 1:08 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
That's awesome. I've always thought that if you are going to go to IC... get a good one.
I totally understand the whole validation thing - you're not crazy, you're feeling valid feelings, X, Y, and Z really did happen... the whole gamut. What a relief, eh?
I can tell you feel safer with your husband seeing this IC versus the last one. Good stuff. 
sodamnlost (original poster member #37190) posted at 1:19 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
I can tell you feel safer with your husband seeing this IC versus the last one. Good stuff.
Sadly - I wish but I don't ;( A good counselor is a start but WH has to do the work. We shall see....
Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 1:21 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
I hear you... well, hang in there. I will certainly be rooting for both of you.
blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 8:05 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
This is a good start.
We are in the process of finding a new MC. My wife is sticking with the old one for IC...and that is fine. The C has some skill...very much helped me in IC sessions.
She just has a passive, how does that make you feel way about her.
We both desire a more in your face, try this, do this sort of approach now.
C are regular people too. Our C had a busy life outside of counseling...always got a feeling she prepared for us about 20 seconds before we sat down...am hoping to find a counselor who is more focused and direct.
Glad you found one.
You are right...it is up to a person to really change...you can have a top shelf counselor and if you are unwilling to really commit to examination and change...it simply wont happen.
Keep us posted!
God be with you.
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.
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