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FightingBack (original poster member #34770) posted at 7:44 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
At a get together last weekend, my 75 year old BIL , widowed two years ago, joked about finding a younger woman but said that he would never get married again.
My H replied. "That's smart"
This really bugged me. Maybe I took it too personally, but I felt that he should defend marriage at this point in our recovery not knock it.
I think I over-reacted because later, I told him that he shouldn't let his disillusionment with marriage, influence comments to other people. The person in this case is so terribly lonely and would probably love to find someone to care for.
H claims he is not disillusioned with marriage. Guys sometimes talk this way to each other.
My feelings were hurt. Was I wrong?
Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 8:06 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
I can see why your feelings are hurt. After all, aren't you giving him a precious gift by offering R after his A? Isn't the marriage now a precious gift that he nearly destroyed? And he's saying to someone else that not getting married again is smart? Do you wonder what that says about his own mindframe? Is it that, if he had it to do again, he wouldn't get married at all (invalidating) - or is it that, if he had it to do again, he would get married and then NOT have an affair? Hard to know where he's coming from. I can see why you're bugged by his comment.
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 8:16 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
I am sorry that his comments hurt you. And you have every right to be hurt by them.
I work in a very male dominated field. I hear comments like that all the time. They are said in a machismo joking manner. That doesn't excuse it at all or make them any less obnoxious.
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
FightingBack (original poster member #34770) posted at 9:24 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Thank you both. I wonder often if I'm being overly sensitive. I'm glad to know I wasn't over-reacting.
Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 9:36 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
The people who I know who are BS or divorced and it wasn't their idea have mentioned this type of thing before.
It's also my thought that your H should (ETA) not have said something like that, during R, no... and I also think that you have a right to be both sensitive and oversensitive at present. I know that I am as well, though not R, and that it takes quite some time to come back down from it.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 3:36 PM, August 26th (Monday)]
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 10:12 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Yea FB..that was rude and hurtful. He's lucky he's still M, some ws don't get that gift.
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
UKgirl ( member #17062) posted at 10:43 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Being smart is staying faithful to your wife!
It would be smart if your BIL found love at this time of his life rather than just "a younger woman" If he has enough money, he can do that anyway. But where's the comfort in that?
Sorry FB, he's doing stupid well.
Affair1: Dday 30/07/06 LTA: 5yrs ex-fiancee Affair2: Dday 04/09/20 9mths another XHSgf.Me/BS, still young. Him/WS, old. 4 grown boysHaving an affair because you are unhappy is like eating Ex-lax because you are hungry - unfound's mom
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