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heforgotme (original poster member #38391) posted at 4:00 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
Darling,
I love you. Unfortunately for me, I don't think I know how to stop.
But I can't do this anymore.
I just cannot.
I'm so sorry.
I know you are different. I know you are trying.
But you did it.
You traded me for someone else.
You did it.
And now you are so sorry. You are. I can feel it. YOu are.
But you did it. You loved me less.
You did.
I am sorry that I can't get past this. I am.
So very, very sorry.
But I can't.
I love you so.
I always will.
hfm
D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry
trebleclef ( member #33488) posted at 4:28 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
I hear you HFM.
So, so, incredibly sad.
(((HUGS))))
True remorse isn't followed by a "but".
StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 4:33 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
My screen is all blurry...
So very sorry! They try, we try, I don't know, it's all just so complicated. Some of the hurt is so deep and earth-shattering , we just can't get past it, even if we want to.
Sending hugs and wishing you peace...
Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 4:52 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
heforgotme (original poster member #38391) posted at 5:09 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
My screen is all blurry...
It's killing me guys. I think this was a deal breaker. I don't want it to be. But I think it was. I can barely breathe.........
D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry
ILINIA ( member #39836) posted at 1:23 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
The simplicity of your letter is so tragically beautiful and painful. My heart aches for you, as today I feel the same as you.
Hugs to you.
Ellephantastic ( member #39833) posted at 1:30 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
So sorry for you!
I hope you make it through, you are a strong woman and you can get through this!
**hugs** 
BS(me)
WBF = PA
Ow = 19(at the time)
WBF A = 08/10/2012-17/10/2012
D-Day = 24/01/2013
"It was easier for him to hurt me than it was for him to turn her down"
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 9:18 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2013
Ah sweetie, the pain in your simple, but oh so elegant words, just leaps off of the screen. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
confusedsad ( new member #39298) posted at 12:08 AM on Saturday, September 7th, 2013
wow. Your dday is 1 day after mine. Your letter is exactly how I feel. This sucks. Is your story somewhere? I am so sorry.
(I would do the hugs thing if i knew what symbol it was. But I am typing on my nook and it is not the friendliest.)
Me- Betrayed - married 18 years
Him- 2 week affair with someone at work
lots of kids
Trying to R
devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 11:16 AM on Saturday, September 7th, 2013
I can read the pain you are in. I'm there too. It's been almost a year since I found out about the affair and 8 months since he returned. Yes, I got the final truths and I don't know if I can go on.
But, there have been several TT's and each time I have been able to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue.
Is it easy HELL NO
Do I still love my WS - ?????
Do I want my marriage - HELL YES
Can I live like this???????
Can I survive this last truth - I don't know.
Everything I read tells me it takes YEARS to get back to your "new normal".
If you still love your WS and he is truly remorseful, sorry and doing all the right things - NC etc., then my advice is to hang in there. Give it another few months and see how you feel. Once the love is gone there is nothing left, but if you truly do still love, don't cut out yet - who knows as strange as it sounds, possibly the best is yet to come.
Good Luck
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
simpleD ( new member #40321) posted at 1:52 PM on Saturday, September 7th, 2013
Wow... Such heartfelt words that are simple & directly stated. Sorry for your pain.... For all our pain... For all the doubts & fears... For not feeling secure... For questioning if I can make it through... May you find the strength, courage, forgiveness & love to go on.
BS(me)48; WH 49
High School Sweethearts
Together 32 years
Married 25 years
DD, 20 years
Dday 8/11
In Recovery
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 5:22 PM on Saturday, September 7th, 2013
Your letter has expressed your feelings very well. It's a powerful letter. I also think it's healthy for you to have crafted it.
You are certainly fully justified in leaving him, if that is what you choose to do. What I see in your letter, however, is that you are done, maybe, or even probably. But, neither of those counts as done. I wish the best outcome for you.
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
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