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I'm really struggling with the way that WH's relationship with OW was literally like they were husband and wife. OW was single and it sounds like so many A's here are between two married people. Because she was single, WH would walk into her house after work and she'd do the whole June Clever BS and have dinner waiting for him, then chat about his day, give him a BJ and then screw like two horny pigs. "I'm so happy you're here, Honey." "Take off your shoes and relax." "Dinner is almost ready."

All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.

This fake childless fantasy marriage he had stings so much. He had a different wife last winter. He wasn't my husband and he didn't bother to tell me. He disowned our children because he wanted to relax and enjoy a "quiet house" and be pampered.

I,m right there with you naivewife. Wh had a single ow too - he lived away from home during the week for work - had his own flat and still moved in with her for several months because it was nearer work. He had his own key to her house, could come and go as he pleased - he would make her dinner because he loves to cook and she had him rearrange her kitchen to suit them both. He had clothes there and even took our company books over there so when I would phone him and he said he was home doing the paperwork he was. I guess that's one of the reasons I refer to her house as the shagpalace. So yes I too feel he had two wives and two lives.

I'm sorry you are struggling - I wish I had some words of wisdom but I am nowhere near getting over it myself. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your particular version of this shitstorm.

((naivewife))

The selfishness involved in that is literally staggering. I hope he at least sees that now. I well remember those early days of motherhood and my heart breaks for you - when you needed help the very most he betrayed you instead. That's a hell of a lot to try to get over. Not to mention he put himself and OW over bonding with his newborn.

(((naivewife)))

[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 9:22 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Same here!

Divorced coworker OW (she has no kids) lived near work, so I am sure WH loved to be able to go over there & loved how she "thought he was the best thing since sliced bread."

After all,if he came home, I might be angry that he was never home & never helped me at all with the kids/house ( plus I also worked outside the home.) Its kind of like he checked out of our marriage.

All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.

^^^^^^^boy do I know what you mean! BTDT.

Since our youngest is a teenager now, I can tell you that some of that gets better.

At least, in a few years, you will be able to take a shower again,before he comes home. But there is still plenty of work to be done, that requires 2 parents.

I always thought that marriage/raising kids was supposed to be a team effort. Guess that's a fairytale.

Skankywhore was single as well. He would go over to her house while her kids were at school and spend 2-3 hours once or twice a month. He says it was just sex, nothing more, and bad sex at that. BUT... why do you spend 2-3 hours with someone just for bad sex? Especially since at that time he was a self proclaimed "2 pump chump", which was one reason why I had stopped having sex with him. He says it was because she wanted to see him more often than that and he didn't want to, so it was the compromise he made to shut her up. I say... WHATEVER!

[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 9:32 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Idiot did the same thing.

He had keys to her house and cars. He took his clothes there (including the expensive shirts I had bought him...and had thr nerve to bring home the ugly ass shit she bought him). He referred to her basement as his sanctuary and, to be honest, if I had any self respect he wouldnt be breathing after he told me he went there to his basement to get away from the noise of me and our then infant and toddler.

About a yr ago I found a text from her to him on the secret phone she gave him asking if chicken for dinner that night was good.

Thing is, if fantasy house play became reality, life would not be all fun and games. It would be, you know, real life. Even idiot boy knows that to be a fact. He told me he would never make it even semi official because then he would lose the oiled massages etc. He actually told me all of this crap.

Understand I have been dealing with this since july 2007 (I was pregnant at the time). I have become ratber jaded. Im not so much hurt as using all of this as a reason for me to leave (just have to poop or get off the pot).

Imo, they do this to feel good. None of it is real. What is real is dealing with crying newborns, bills etc. These fools will always be searching for a eutopia that is not there.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 11:06 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Single OW = make believe wife

Yep. Change "Single OW" to "Single OM", and our situations were very similar, naive.

Just call me naive husband.

I'm sorry for your pain.

OW was newly divorced. But thankfully lived 4 hours from us and WH only saw her 1 time in person (nothing sexual) and then it was mostly phone EA and Sexting, then one opportunity to meet when he had his out of town route and she was 200 miles away, opportunity struck. They got in a tizzy and fucked and spent the night together in Best Western. Can no longer visit Best Westerns now, thanks.

But I wonder if she was local how it would have been different. Would they have fucked more and how would things transpire? I need to ask him that now. lol

I agree the selfishness is mind blowing. Wow, you have a newborn and a 2 year old? And he is playing house with fucking June Cleaver? She has steak and potatos, BJ's, relaxing music, candles, wine... How can you even compete? May the OW in your case get a horrid case of herpes, triplets, varicose veins, cellulite and a wart on her nose for starters. Let her get FAT and stretch marks.

Yes, OW is single and our daughter suffers as I have while he is playing house there.

Ditto me!

OW was a 23 year old single childless "party girl"....

I was his 41 yr old wife of 20 years who demanded that he pitch in and help with our then 14 yr old son...

She was his make believe wife, but the difference with my situation is that they played house IN MY HOME!!!!!!!! We owned a vacation home and my son and I would be there many weekends in a row and weeks at a time.. and she basically moved in my home during these times. She cooked in my kitchen, slept in my bed, showered and used my bathroom.. it was all hers in my absence... this is just so sick to me and I dont know how any human being better yet my husband of 20 years could do that.

All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.

I'm sorry. This really tears at my heart. I'm sorry he let you down in so many ways when you really needed him.

Yes, that was my H life for 3 months. Keys to house and car, he went nearly every evening, sometimes coming home late and sometimes spending the night so the could wake up together like a real couple. They grocery shopped, got take out, picked up wine, and had intense conversations about life and how they were going to save the world.

You are right. That winter he had another wife while I waited at home for him. I was lonely, thinking he was putting in long hours at work, but he was really living out his fantasy with the SOW. (Single other woman). Oh, she does look like a sow.

After DDay and after the rose colored glasses shattered, he admitted she kept a filthy house full of cat hair, dirty litter box in kitchen, nasty torn sheets, and fruit flies from a compost box kept in the kitchen.

It would have been nice for him to think about saving his own marriage before moving on to saving the world. What a couple of sad, needy idiots they were giving up their morals and principles for cheap sex.

and had intense conversations about life and how they were going to save the world.

WTH is this? WH and OW were going to "live a life of service." Such saints these cheaters are.

Yep. Single OW with very little responsibilities and not demanding him to do his fair share.

Same story here.

I've told WS many times I wish he would have provided ME with that "bubble" or that I was immoral enough to take it myself.

This is one of those things that after 18 years of it being me and him "against the world" that I don't know if I can get over.

He made it him and HER against the world and left me floundering.

And their "world" was total bullshit, unicorn farts and community theater. (no joke).

He even said that when he was at her place he would pick up after himself because he knew she was OCD about cleaning.

Ok...he still leaves his shit laying around my apartment when he comes to see the boys or visit me.

What the hell?

I pointed out to him that while I was fighting for our marriage he was running. He said he didn't see it that way. I said, then how do you see it?

He said, well I guess I was running away.

Yes, you were. Coward.

There is an SI member who says that when WS are with the OW and they can create a little love nest they are living in a world where unicorns fart rainbows that smell like cotton candy.

I loved this analogy.....I know it doesn't and won't make you feel better, but it gave me great pleasure to envision my WH being yelled at by OW when things suddenly got to real in their world. She would be yelling in a totally snarky voice "clean up all these piles of rainbow coloured shit everywhere...you know I can't stand the smell of cotton candy you asshole" and him hanging his head and wishing for the good old days where he only had to deal with me and the dog and he never had to touch a piece of shit.

Sorry but thought maybe everyone might need a smile ((( hugs))

Yes right there with ya.., Single OW.... 25 but she still loved with mom but kept telling my H about the apartment she was getting and how exciting it would be going there together. She was a real stupid skanky Ho..my H told her " good for you but i dont really care". They were fucking in her car at park and ride.. she asked him to take her to a hotel..I caught him looking for cheap hotels before valentines..(near our house.. which is near park and ride). So he was weary since he told me he was looking for us .. for our romantic valentines outing.. I said point blank you are looking at cheap motels near our home for a romantic night out.. No thank you I would rather stay home.. My suspicions started.. So he told her no.. I don't want to spend money so we can still fuck in your car. He was quite the asshole but she's stupid and just a cumdumpster.

She would be pretending to cook... Ha..boiling pasta.. Is not cooking. She would say I can't wait to cook for you once I get my apartment. He told her.. why???my wife cooks great and has my dinner ready for me. I am not sure if that's a complement or just a fucking asshole. But the good thing he never lead her on that they would be together

Yes right there with ya.., Single OW.... 25 but she still lived with mom but kept telling my H about the apartment she was getting and how exciting it would be going there together. She was a real stupid skanky Ho..my H told her " good for you but i dont really care". They were fucking in her car at park and ride.. she asked him to take her to a hotel..I caught him looking for cheap hotels before valentines..(near our house.. which is near park and ride). So he was weary since he told me he was looking for us .. for our romantic valentines outing.. I said point blank you are looking at cheap motels near our home for a romantic night out.. No thank you I would rather stay home.. My suspicions started.. So he told her no.. I don't want to spend money so we can still fuck in your car. He was quite the asshole but she's stupid and just a cumdumpster.

She would be pretending to cook... Ha..boiling pasta.. Is not cooking. She would say I can't wait to cook for you once I get my apartment. He told her.. why???my wife cooks great and has my dinner ready for me. I am not sure if that's a complement or just a fucking asshole. But the good thing he never lead her on that they would be together

Typos fixed

YES! I get to be a member of this club too...

OW in my case was divorced and get this: her 6 yo child lived down the road with her mother as he was too "difficult" for her to care for!

My husband spent Tuesday and Thursday nights at her house. It's like he was a "timeshare husband" She was his wife 2 nights a week and I got to be wife for the other 5 nights....

I'm in this boat too. Hello Kitty is a 30 something, never married, no children, dumb whore. She lived out of state, so the Gnat would fly to see her on "business trips" or he would fly her to where he was working at any given time.

Like you, I was home with a 5 year old and a newborn baby. He completely shit on me and the kids. He then left us and moved her to our state. They are now shacked up and playing house. I think it's just a matter of time before they are married and having a baby (she wants one desperately). I'm waiting for unicorn fartland to come crashing down.

Wow, you have a newborn and a 2 year old? And he is playing house with fucking June Cleaver? She has steak and potatos, BJ's, relaxing music, candles, wine... How can you even compete?

There is no competition. There is only a complete and utter failure on the part of the guy feigning the role of Husband/Father.