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silentlyscreamin (original poster new member #34792) posted at 1:58 AM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
sigh...i have been struggling in different phases, anger, denial, hoping for remorse and reconciliation, ANGER again, feeling hurt, and on and on and on. I keep waiting for WS to "get it" and realize what his A did to me. So far, 10 months later, I have seen little if any progress, which angers me even more. At times it makes me feel unworthy, but also makes me feel like I am wasting my time.
**My IC homework was to contact a legal clinic and get a low cost consult. Well i've had 3 weeks and just called Friday for the intake.I kept waiting for WS to have a revelation and fight for this. Didn't happen. I now have to mail the intake form and check and I am having trouble. Looking at the envelope makes me sick. Just sick. I do not know how to start this chapter! My IC also said I should consider having WS move out. This is an area of guilt for me. He does not make much money, 12.50 an hour and even to share an apt would be probably 600 a month. I KNOW it's not really something I should care about, yet I don't want him to live in a dump, where he may spiral out of control, get more depressed and lose his job. Afterall, if he loses his job, I will for sure have to pay alimony, altho it is a question I am asking attorney during consult. I guess I just don't know how to do this. How do you finally decide, yes we are going to separate and then what do you do? We have yet to have a mature conversation about it. That is part of the problem, our communication sucks and we are both so angry. I guess I just don't know how to enter this process, especially when I am so angry, yet holding out an ounce of hope that I don't have to go through this. Is that denial talking? Thanks if you made it this far in reading this.
Married 5 years
DD 12/31/11 EA
DD#2 12/27/12 PA, started 9/12, ended 12/12
Status: living together due to finances but I feel continued anger and am leaning 95% toward divorce
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 2:18 AM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
One thing you want to ask an atty is the likelihood of alimony after a 5 year marriage... I'm thinking doubtful.
Going for low-cost legal aid is fine, but maybe an interim step you could make is a free consult with an atty. to ask a few questions and see where you really stand.
I get that you are kind of worried about him (alimony or not) but at some point one of you has to worry about you! And that is only going to be... YOU!
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 2:47 AM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
You'll feel better once you have some legal answers.
It's hard to start putting the boundaries in place. For the first few months after D-day I still played the part of ex-shat's conscience. Took a while to figure out it wasn't my job anymore and that I should start putting all the effort I spent on ex-shat on myself instead.
The first steps are tough. We just have to force ourselves to take them and have faith that we are starting on the path to a better place.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
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