Judging BEHAVIOR and situations is perfectly acceptable and keeps us safe.
I also think people forget that judgment goes both ways. It's an assessment, that can be both negative and positive. The term has a negative connotation and that becomes part of the problem.
If I like something I have judged it to be a preference.
If I dislike something I have judged it to be something I want to avoid.
Sometimes people aren't complaining about actual "judgment", they are complaining about how the negative judgments make them feel. If you were to make a positive judgment about the exact same topic, or if my judgment is in agreement with theirs, you wouldn't hear a peep.
I think we get into trouble when we start judging the person, not the behavior. I know that my judgments are not on the person/soul, but the actions, I love or condemn with all of my heart.
I will distance myself from a person while they are actively engaged in infidelity, which includes them continuing to defend any destructive behaviors or mindsets associated with it.
It's safe for me. And believe it or not it makes me safe for them. That prevents me from unwittingly encouraging more of that behavior.
I find it interesting that I have been called "judgmental" by more people than I care to count.
I doubt it's a mistake that all of these people all have one thing in common, really poor boundaries. They have no respect for mine, and have amoebic boundaries of their own.
And there is no arguing with them about it. They are absolutely convinced that any disapproval of their behavior, constitutes some worldly condemnation by me, of them as human beings.
They are unaware of the inner-workings of my heart and they do not know that I don't presume to sit in" judgment" on their soul. I am, in fact open to them as people, but I am not willing to be with them when they are engaging in activities that are destructive. That is my personal boundary.
I believe they take my disapproval of their actions, and use it to judge and condemn themselves, and then declare "me" the perpetrator. It would be easier that way I guess...to be the victim of someone else's judgment. That would certainly prevent any incentive to change the behavior.
On the opposite end
I have a few (well 2) healthy friends, who are comfortable processing my thoughts about their behavior. They don't hang the entirety of *who* they are, on my assessment, or even their own. They are grateful for feedback, they evaluate it and we might even get into some kind of debate about it. I like their feedback. It helps me. I am grateful for it.
Judgment only bothers me when I internalize it inappropriately.
Ultimately I think it's helpful...even when I am temporarily bothered by it. That usually means I have something to work on.
I am fortunate to have people (who I don't have to pay)that are brave enough to share their thoughts with me.