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I get home from work and I see that H bought him and the boys some chinese food. No big deal right? Not usually, not before all this. I get upset. Why? Bc he didn't offer to bring me some at work and didn't save me any either. Not like cold chinse food sounded great at midnight but its the thought I would've appreciated. So whatever I'm not hungry anyways. I notice he's allowed the kids to ransack the house, the house that was clean when I left for work. He wakes up and talks to me for a minute. I'm trying not to start an argument bc I'm exhausted and just not in the mood.

Then he starts telling me his feet and shoulders hurt and I know he's fishing for a massage. I know this bc I KNOW HIM and dammit do I know hime WELL. Sure enough he asks for me to rub his feet and shoulders. Tying not to argue I do and I'm hating every damn second. The whole time I'm fighting tears and thinking why in the hell am I doing this? And more importantly why does he feel its okay to ask this of me? And I hate it even more bc OW rubbed his back and even though he said she was terrible at it he still allowed and I hate him for that. Why should I rub your stupid back when not too long ago someone else was in my place doing this?

He's trying to fall back into old ways and things I used to not mind doing I hate. He doesn't want to talk whatever but shit!

I don't want to be a doormat but I don't want to argue and I just allowed it him to wipe his feet on me. Dammit I hate myself right now. The optimism I tried to have when I got home just flew out the window.

[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 1:29 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Bumping so others can read and respond.

He's trying to fall back into old ways and things I used to not mind doing I hate.

Then don't allow yourself to be pulled back into the old ways.

You dont want to rock the boat and potientailly send him off into another affair.

The problem is that by not standing up for yourself, you are allowing him to get away with things that he shouldn't be.

He's a grown man, he should have helped clean up after the kids.

He should have asked you about what you would like to eat, warmed up chinese is just as good IMO.

Don't put your wants and needs aside because you are scared he will run away - because if you are really in R then he shouldn't be thinking that anyway.

You're right. Bc I allowed myself to let him walk all over me I hate myself today. I want to work this out but I just got off the phone with him and I'm crying. Why? Bc he says the only way to get over this is to let it go and stop talking about it. That the questions I'm asking are irrelevant and pain inducing and that everyone in the world would tell me so.

Says he loves me and always will but he can't take the talking anymore. That he knows he hurt me but can't see me suffering anymore blah blah blah...

Its such a load of selfish bullshit and quite frankly I'm getting tired of him being such a selfish idiot.

Btw, I don't mind cold or reheated chinese either, I wish I had some now

He totally doesnt get it, and this is not remorse at all its rugsweeping.

yes, i agree, that at some point you will need to let go and put the past in the past, but that can not happen until you see the changes and get the needs you need from him.

You need to sweep all the shit out of the house, and then you can begin to live on the new rug.