This Topic is Archived
click4it (original poster member #209) posted at 6:06 AM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Twelve year ago, my rosey world (where I knew nothing of: being a single mother, of losing a partner, losing my "married with children status", sleeping alone, and the list can go on) came crashing down from one simple look at a phone bill.
Just one half a glance look at a phone bill after a nice day out with my mother and grandmother - and I sat on the toilet while my stomach fell to the floor in disbelief of what I suspected right then and there.
Who knew that the world as we know it can turn around in an instant and change FOREVER?
I sure didn't. I thought my past of being alone, scared and lost were behind me. Truly my ex-husband was my savior at the age of 19. He "saved" me from a life that I wont' get into, but nevertheless, it was not a happy one. I thought I had left all that behind.
We had 10 years of vacations, planning, wedding, kids, buying a home, laughing, building a foundation of our future....and BAM...he took all that and threw it in the trash for a woman who only knew for 2 months.
I cried like I had never cried before. I got skinny like I never had before. Went from 160lbs to 110lbs. People thought I was on drugs. My mom thought I was going to die of starvation. My poor kids - god only knows what emotional damage I did to them during those first two years. Good thing they had my mom here to help. I'm sure I did my best, but I know it was not good enough.
I literally thought I would die. I actually prayed for God to take me at that time because I could not take the pain.
Flash forward 12 years, and I'm a survivor. I have not only survived, but I've lived. I secured a great job, I raised two handsome young men and have been on top of their education as much as I could, I've traveled a bit, I've dated a bit. Now, more than anything I pray to God to not take me now or anytime soon. I pray to God to let me keep living the life I want live. I pray to be thankful for everything I DO have.
I have come to a point in my life where I finally don't "need" anyone anymore. I was constantly in search of a new partner because I thought I'd never be happy unless I had a partner. Granted I hope to have that again someday and I do get very lonely, but I am no longer broken. I am no longer in search of someone else to complete me. I am complete on my own. I am my own person and would only want to share my experiences with someone - not need to them to do an experience, if that makes sense.
I am just typing here, and have not re-read what I am going to post here. Its all from the heart.
I am glad to be ALIVE. I am glad to be FREE.
thank you SI for all your support over these years. I couldn't have done it without you.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 6:13 AM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Dear member number 209, thank you! Wow. 
Thanks for letting us know about the light at the end of the tunnel.
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 7:53 AM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Good for you, Click! I wish you every happiness.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 10:27 AM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Yay Clicky!!!!! 
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 1:50 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
#209! Wow.
Great post.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:50 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Too_Trusting ( member #99) posted at 1:51 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
AWESOME, Click. I'm also about 12 years out, so congrats from #99! 
"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 2:28 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Oh Click. this post makes me happy
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 2:34 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
You've done well, clicky.
I know your road hasn't been easy, but you're a testament to others here that life can be great after infidelity.
AJ's MOM
ETA: FTG
[This message edited by ajsmom at 8:35 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 3:15 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:58 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Love ya, clicks.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
msk99 ( member #29293) posted at 6:19 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Very powerful, thanks for posting!
BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced
Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
better4me ( member #30341) posted at 6:21 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Needed to see this today. Thank you for posting from your heart!
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 6:35 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Love this clicky. 
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Must Survive ( member #34533) posted at 7:32 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Thank you Click!
Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
click4it (original poster member #209) posted at 11:08 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
thanks so much everyone. glad my post was helpful. I just typed it all out and didn't know it would have an impact. glad I shared my feelings today.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 11:45 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Thanks, click. I've hit DDay season (a couple of weeks after yours-- I'm two years out), and I've been very down. I needed a good dose of hope!
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
peridot ( member #18334) posted at 12:12 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
Need a clapping hand and some pom poms for this post. WTG!
I think...therefore, I'm single.
It is what it is.
fraeuken ( member #30742) posted at 3:45 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
Hugs, click4it. Hope we can have a drink/snack/dinner to 12 years soon!
Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.
click4it (original poster member #209) posted at 5:18 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
thanks guys! Man I had such a shitty day!! My boss was a total B..told me she doesn't want to talk to me about an issue I wanted to bring up to her because she is cranky, but yet she was willing to talk with everyone else in the office and she gave me cold shoulder all day...and I had an argument with my son, which resulted in him pouting for 4 hours and had a lousy dinner out with my kids....
Ugh, let this day just be over. 
Was trying my damnest to start this day out on a positive note, but it just didn't turn out that way.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
okaynow ( member #13813) posted at 5:15 AM on Friday, October 4th, 2013
Love you Click. You are great!
Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.
This Topic is Archived
