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Yesterday the filing became official and all paperwork was signed by both of us. About 30-45 days until final. This morning I received an email from my attorney's office, the subject of which was "Triple v. Triple". I felt like a hand reached out of the monitor and gripped my throat and a brick lay on my chest. I felt my life, my love, my family, everything that defines me was reduced to a legal proceeding. I don't know why those words had such a heavy impact. Just taking it all one hour, one minute at a time. Finally told some of my family, and thanks to a suggestion by sleepless34 (thanks sleepless!) my brother told my mom and she sent me a shockingly kind email with just the right words.

(((HUGS)))

Here's another phrase that's going to gut you when you see it in print: The marriage is dissolved.

It's like being punched in the gut by Mike Tyson.

((triple))

God, this kind of stuff sucks so much. Seeing it in black and white is just... *shudder*. I completely lost it when the final notice came in the mail. "final"... that's the word for it, alright. It felt so horribly final.

I called my father, ever the source of calm and pragmatic good advice. He said, "Hey, you already knew the marriage was over. This is just the state of Oregon agreeing with you."

That bit of perspective helped me a lot.

"Triple v. Triple"... So true. You already know you're adversaries. He thinks its okay to be a cheating, lying douche, and you disagree. This is just the court agreeing with you.

Hang in there!

((triple))

I am not D yet but my settlement document is peppered with "Husband" and "Wife" throughout the document. I winced every time I read it.

I considered asking my L if we could change it to mother/father but it was already expensive enough and TBH I had come such a long way I was pissed off that this small thing had set me off so I ignored it.

I now have a document that I'll refer to for the next 15-odd years that has those wince-inducing words peppered all through it like machine gun fire.

((Tripletrouble)) Just like that "dash" analogy about the dash between the year of birth and death the vs seems so.... small? for something so big.

Wishing you peace and happiness!

Thanks for the warnings, friends. Today I tried to prepare myself to see words like final and dissolved. I still can't shake Triple v. Triple. He was supposed to have my back for life.

Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I could hardly deal with filing for D. He says he's going to finally sign, after having the papers for over a year. I know it's over, hell it's been over, but I'm dreading the day that !surprise!, I hear he's signed, simply due to the finality of 10+ years of my life changing that I thought and behaved as was forever.

It's a hard thing to wrap ones mind around, I suppose. I hope it ends up bringing you peace.

((((Triple))))

so sorry, I completely empathise with you.

Just did a quick review of draft settlement orders that arrived last night. We are referred to as 'Wife' and 'Husband'. Hurts because its just not true. I haven't married anyone, I was never his 'wife'. Why should he get that status accredited to him. We are defacto. Will be checking with my lawyer as to terminology but if I am anyone's wife it will be with someone I believe deserves it. It was never him.

apologies for any typos, typing through tears.

((((((Hugs))))))

You mentioned that you had "finally" told some of your family. I'm not favor of telling lots of people but I have found that telling some close friends has been a huge help. They have backed me 100% and a lot of the shame and humiliation I previously felt has melted away. I don't have any wider family so that isn't an issue.

[This message edited by jemimapd at 7:30 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]