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ashkate (original poster member #24144) posted at 2:52 AM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013
It has been 5 years since my husbands affair....now I am having thoughts about if he really loved me he would never have cheated on me...it is still hard after all this time..I always thought he would never do this to me and now he has....it is hard to look at him...I wonder why I wasn't enough for him....I always said that if he ever cheated it was over....I took him back and that was and still is a hard pill to swallow...help!
BS-40
WH-39
Married- 16 years
OMW-Factory Whore/coworker
In R 13 months
lucy17 ( member #40187) posted at 3:47 AM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013
((Ashkate))
No words of advice. I'm too new at this.
I don't know that there is a time limit.
It seems like a forever thing--with or without the one who hurt you.
I am sorry you are hurting.
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." Hemingway
Me- BS 38
Him- WS 44
1 child- 13 years old
together 21 years, legally married 17
Dday1- 7/7/13
Dday2- 8/12/13
The rollercoaster of R
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 1:07 PM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013
(((Ashkate)))
First and foremost, your WH's A had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with something broken inside himself. What work has he done to heal the brokenness inside himself?
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
so_lost ( member #7726) posted at 12:42 AM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
I'm 8 years out and recently went through a similar thought process. It's almost like a midlife crisis only related to affair recovery. I posted about it awhile ago and got a lot of great feedback from fellow SI folk. I hope it will help you, too.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=492308&HL=7726
In addition to going back and seeing a counselor, I started running again. It's helped me focus on myself a little more and it's also helped with my recent bout of depression.
Good luck ashkate. Been thinking about you and wanted to be sure to post:)
D-day April 2005, R.
Me-BS 37
Him-FWH 37, 8 month EA/PA with coworker. Married 2 yrs at the time.
2 kiddos after D-day, Married 11 years.
blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 2:07 AM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
I am curious about this too....I am in the mid-life period too...wondering if my wife A will hurt or help me into the future. Seems like it is an opportunity to work on myself before I have a personal crisis...but maybe it will push me to redo my life completely?
Sounds like it is definitely hurting you ashkate. I am very sorry to hear this.
I have been in weekly counseling sessions for a year. It helped me.
I also post a LOT on here...and read even more. I read lots of books as well.
I see you have been a member on here since 2009 and have just under 200 posts. How did you process during that first 2 years? How did your husband? Did you have ah-ha moments? Was there trickle truth and fog associated with your experience with infidelity?
Dang...13 months of really intensive work and thousands of dollars in counseling and a weekend retreat...seems like I should have some advice for you.
Sorry. Keep posting, keep reading on here.
Do you think the A was actually a deal breaker for you?
[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:13 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.
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