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betraydtwice (original poster member #38921) posted at 5:47 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
I am leaving next week on the first alone vacation in out marriage. I am very excited and happy to be going. I am going to visit family on the coast for 10 days. H is a little concerned since I have never done anything like this before; we always go together.
Anyway, the trip is not really the problem. I booked this trip to go through airport where OW works. When I did this I was confident and wanted to show to her that I am good. Now the closer it gets the more I worry...why??? Because in my head H has convinced her that she is better than me.
Now all I can think of is that in her head she will be laughing at me and thinking "you are not so sharp, your husband wanted me not you"!!!!
I hate this!! Thought I was strong enough to face my fears, but what if I'm not???
What if I freak when I see her?? What did I do? Stupid rollercoaster.. Maybe I'll get lucky and it will swing upwards by then
dameia ( member #36072) posted at 6:27 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
You're going to be okay! She is a broken, damaged person. You are better than her!
If you see her at the airport, hold you head high. Literally, chin up and keep walking. Don't even look at her. Act as if she doesn't exist.
Looking at her, talking to her, crying, etc. will only give her power. You're better than that! If you feel yourself starting to freak, starting taking nice deep breaths, bite the inside of your cheek, whatever you have to do to hold it together.
You can do this!!!!
Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
betraydtwice (original poster member #38921) posted at 8:30 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
Thank you Dameia. I hope you are right. I had such confidence but the closer it gets, the more I worry. I just have to stop thinking this way. It's not easy though 
betraydtwice (original poster member #38921) posted at 8:31 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
Thank you for your encouragement, I need it.
heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 8:40 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
Betrayed
F her! She has nothin on you absolutely nothin!
I would be concerned her seeing you leaving she might try and contact WS?
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
betraydtwice (original poster member #38921) posted at 9:10 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
Thank you Heartache for your encouragement. As for worrying about their contact, well this is my get away; if they choose to renew contact then I will come home and end it...No more guessing,trying.
This trip is about me showing him that I am free and can and will do what is best for me. He's a little freaked out that I'm going. I think now he is more worried about me. He recently started checking out my FB page daily..lol
Told him the other day that he needs to help me in my decision to stay together..lol...he said "what??are you still thinking that???" LOL What an idiot..lol
betraydtwice (original poster member #38921) posted at 9:11 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
Oh and Heartache, I LOVE your tag line....It's so true..Thanks and Hugs to you both
betraydtwice (original poster member #38921) posted at 9:11 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 12:00 AM on Saturday, October 12th, 2013
Oh I get that he needs to help.
I am glad you are strong enough to leave on vacation! 
Knowing you can handle it if he falls again is empowering!
I leave first of the year myself for school 10 weeks I will be gone 5 nights a week yeah they get tested when we are ready! 
Let us know how the trip goes and if you start faultering when you see her just laugh and envision her with a jackass head!
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
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