I can remember first finding SI. To say I was filled with pain and completely disoriented would be an understatement. I nearly died on several occasions, and I did lose nearly everything in my life. Somehow through the grace of God and a strong identity I went through hell and back to find myself in this place-this time today. I read "just found out" all the time and feel my heart squeeze with sadness by the hopelessnesss I see there. I feel driven to post this in an effort to answer myself some 8 years ago.
When you first discover infidelity you will be struck dumb. Pain will permeate every cell in your body, and you will be certain that you shall never be the same person ever again. In some ways you will not...in other ways you will be a BETTER, STRONGER person! For me I now know the truth about my life. I am married to a serial cheater who is incapable of monogamy. I have not had sex with him in 2 almost 3 years in order to save myself from STDs or worse. I know see him as a pathetic, helpless child who sneaks off to the bathroom to jerk off all day. I do not see him as strong or attractive. Just pitiful, pathetic, and incapable of controlling himself.
6 years ago I ran across one of his affair partners on his computer. It was a shock because this one was so close to my home but because she was a teacher I assumed it may have had something to do with my child. 4 DAYS ago as I held his phone in my hand, an email came through from her. I did not get upset or nervous. I calmly walked to my car and drove away from the house with the phone in my hand. With no shaking hands or teary eyes I saved every bit of evidence I could, and I accepted her invitation on LinkedIn so I could save all of that information, evidence, and link to her husband. My husband taught me years ago, that I better have documents to back up my words otherwise he yells that I am insane and need a therapist.
Anyway, I fired off an email to her husband with documents of his cheating wife. I also told him I have additional evidence from contact dating back 6 years with my emails and phone numbers.
It is a great place to be for no nervousness, heartache, or fear. It feels GREAT to help uninformed spouses who are being put in danger. He emailed me moments ago, thanking me for my help. We have agreed to share all of our proof and information to protect one another.
If you are a BS...DO NOT FEAR ANYTHING!!!!!!! Stand firm and tall to do what you know is right. I had to have my family doctor tell me I had syphilis one time about 9 years ago and that was HUMILIATING...thank god it was not HIV...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ALWAYS INFORM THE OTHER BETRAYED SPOUSE!!!!! 
