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morethantrying (original poster member #40547) posted at 5:05 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
Yes, step by step all moving forward, he is doing it all right..doing great...I even praise him
...YET....the brain will NOT turn off....
thinking,
thinking,
thinking,
analyzing,
analyzing,
analyzing,
worrying,
worrying,
worrying
about
our future,
about
how long will he REALLY hang in there with my recovery...
about
EVERYTHING,
EVERYTHING,
EVERYTHING
having trouble moving on, getting on with MY life....
thinking,
thinking
thinking...
trying,
trying
trying to turn it all off
and be
positive,
positive,
positive...
am I nuts, nuts, nuts?
Can I run away please?
[This message edited by morethantrying at 11:08 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:07 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
Instead of AWAY away, maybe just take a vacation.
The brain goes all tornado for a while. Don't hold yourself to having to be completely positive and have a game plan right now. It's crazytown for a while after DDay. (Admittedly I have no experience with two DDays, and 4 years apart... well, I can't imagine)
Have your thoughts, mull your options, then take a break. You have nothing but time to make a decision. Just try and let things unfold and work on the baby steps until you regain more solid footing.
And yes, if you decide you really and truly want to run away, you CAN.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:08 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Patchy ( member #39228) posted at 6:08 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
Well I think every betrayed spouse can relate to exactly what you said. I even thought about copying it and pasting it and sending it to my WS.
It's going to take time. A LOT of time. And if your WS can have three affairs and not give you all the time in the world to recover, then he's so not worth it.
You just have to decide if its worth staying in, do your best to heal, give yourself a ton of TLC and patience, and if he doesn't keep doing is part and/or can't "hang in there with your recovery" ... then he's being unreasonable and NOT doing his part. It takes as long as it takes. You can't worry about him. Just you. You are important. You matter. You don't have to cater to his guilt, hide your pain from him or shelter him in any way. (This is my counselor speaking through me. Things I'm trying to learn and practice myself. 
Hang in there, girl.
Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.
devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 10:30 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
I so wish running away would solve it. If that was the case, maybe they could build an island for us????? Then we could all be there together, laugh, cry, drink and forget? Yeah, not likely.
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
crossroads2010 ( member #30213) posted at 11:03 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
Yes...anytime you want to...this knowledge is what keeps me here some days, keeps me trying. I stopped thinking about the future too far in advance...have a plan B.
TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 11:09 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
You can definitely take a break. Allow yourself some time to heal you.
Don't think of it as running away- because in the end it will still be there. But putting yourself as priority is key right now.
Everything is a question now- is he sincere? How do I know? Will he stay with it?
I think I am at the point where I need to stop worrying about him so much. He cheated. I couldn't do anything to stop it an I can't erase it. Bottom line is, I cannot control his actions- then or now.
I send you hugs and wish you peace. Hang on, it does get better. Never the same as before, and it may be with or without him- but it will get better
Just call me Wonder
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.
Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017
topperoff22 ( member #40762) posted at 3:30 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
I could have written this....so perfect.
BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:06 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
I suggest:
when you find yourself thinking about and analyzing the A, ask yourself what you're feeling - and the answer can only be one or more of mad, sad, glad, or scared.
Thinking doesn't do much for healing from trauma - you've got to work through the feelings.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
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