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I will try and make this quick my ww had a pa with a coworker for over a year. I knew the whole time but was lied too and made out to be crazy anyway she was fired.from her job Aug 1 and gave me a lame excuse as to why so I began tracking her phone and caught her sexting the om so I confronted her and she tt for.a while i came to find out that she did it in my bed while I was in the hospital recovering from major surgery she actually rushed out of the hospital to meet the om at my house worse then that is I called her begging her to come back to the hospital granted it was 11pm but she rushed me off the phone cause she was busy with om.. she says she wants to R and has been in ic since d-day she also has had nc with om we also have been to a couple of mc sessions I have seen a lawyer just incase and have made it clear to her that I dont know what I want to do yet.. sorry I started venting.. Anyway I found a text to the om about a week before d-day it was a picture of her car radio and the song OPP (other people's property) was on and the text said our theme song lol. Now doesn't that say that she knew exactly what she was doing?? And just thought it and I were a big joke???????

[This message edited by whyme1525 at 5:45 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)]

Gently...I would have to say that yes, she did know what she was doing. As for thinking you were a big joke? I don't know. My d-day was almost two years ago, I can't begin to tell you how many times I thought the same thing - I was the dumb wife who knew nothing about the A and they would sit around making fun of me...calling me a dumbass or something. I think it's pretty normal for the BS to think they've been made a fool.

But...you have a number of good things in your favor: NC, her going to IC and MC. All good things. Focus on her actions. How is she helping you through this.

It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders - seeing an attorney for information, being upfront with your WW in that you're not sure what you want, and taking some time to think things through.

Are you in IC, too?

You will get through this. We're here for you. Vent if you need to...

-healing2012- thanks for responding. I told her from the get go that I will not try anything unless she goes to ic and figure out why she thought it was ok and second to figure out why even when I confronted her in the beginning did she just lie to my face and continue having the A.. I guess there all good thing's but when I think about her sending text like that I question what the hell im still doing here. Cause that just shows thst she knew what she was doing and thught it was all a big joke!!!!! I just don't get how she's goes from sexting the om one minute to wanting to r the next..

My WH got a new secret email account with his AP the day he promised me he would break it off with her. He knew exactly what he was doing.

We cannot rationalize their actions while they were in the A. Believe me, I have done what you're doing a million times, and each time I just have to tell myself he was in his "fog" of the A. If I didn't do that, I would drive myself insane.

I think in your case, she said that while thinking about you, but she wasn't thinking about you. She was probably looking more for his response to that remark...something like, "It won't be this way forever." Who knows what she was looking for.

The bottom line: You have to look at her actions from NC on. If you feel that she really wants your M and is doing everything she can to make you feel safe and secure in your M, then take that for what it is worth.

Write down all of these thoughts in a journal to bring up at MC with her (and post them on here, of course, so we can help a little bit in the meantime). It helps to have a third party present to help the communication along for these kinds of questions.

Honestly, you cannot try to figure out the things that were said or the "why" of what happened, because our WS's are in such a fog during the A that they probably don't know themselves.

I hope this makes sense. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry for all of us hurting!!

(((whyme1525)))

[This message edited by Raven96 at 8:50 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)]

yes it makes total sense what you're saying and your right I am driving myself insane with everything that happened. just not sure how to stop anymore. I like everyone else im sure can't believe she was able to do and say the things she did and it's so hard to believe anything now becouse she became a pathological liar so how im I supposed to know that she wants the m for the right reasons.. sometimes I think she is trying to act like it didn't happen I guess I want to see her show me that she is suffering atleast half of what I am but I just don't know if she truly is.. Im sorry im ranting im just so lost and confused and angry that she did this........