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I am not sure if I am a lucky one to know what I know or ???? After I found his secret pre paid cell phone , called company pretending to be him and got access to everything I saw the texts from the EA's, pictures of OW from PA. I can't unsee these things. I know some are having "movies" play over and over where they have to fill in the blanks. I don't have to fill in the blanks. I saw the pictures and read a play by play. BUT now I can't forget them . When he tries to touch me I shut down, trigger, and get physically sick to my stomach. Is this normal for 7 months out? My IC recommends yoga , finding my blue spot , ext, but it usually comes on so fast outta no where I don't have time to stop it. I have gotten better at whoa-ing my thoughts when I trigger , but am not having any luck when it comes to physical contact.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I am actually a little fed up with my IC , because she just keeps saying to just do it , fake it til you make it kind of crap.

find an IC that specializes in trauma therapy. EMDR therapy will help.

I did look into that , we live in a very small town and we are on our 3rd and the last Counselor in our area that handles infidelity. Our first MC , neither of us were happy with. He was inexperienced with infidelity and MC and just suggesting to "spend quality time" and that was at the very beginning so I was SO not ready to hear that. The second was my IC , whoI found out was acquainted with one of the AP.

[This message edited by stongmomof3 at 2:44 PM, November 4th (Monday)]

I saw racy stuff on my SAWH's phone between him and his LTA. Her face is plastered all over the internet - her company website, charity she supports, etc. I know what she looks like. To me she looks like a real life adult movie "actress." I'm 7m out from DD and about 2 months out from seeing the racy texts on his old phone from about a year ago (he stopped seeing her for good about 6 months ago). Meditation has really helped me…when I start thinking about this person, I shift my mind to meditation. I breathe in and count to 1, I breathe out and count to 2. Repeat for a minute or longer. Any time your mind starts to wander you return to 1,2. Also it helps if you can focus your eyes on one spot. In yoga we are told to fixate on one spot on the ceiling when we are in our resting pose. Meditation really helps rewire your brain.