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steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 3:21 PM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
After 4 years of TT, regret and false R (feels like 11 years of false M, to me). Having the whole truth is... weird. I've learned the difference between real remorse and guilty regret. He's different than he has been for all the years I have known him. This makes me a little sad. I told him yesterday on our "talk date" that our marriage is over. THAT marriage. We can't rebuild it... it wasn't good, I don't want to rebuild a bad marriage. We have to start over, and build a new, real marriage. This is very weird to me. I DON'T have the urge to search is net history, or hide with this phone... is it because I finally believe him?
I would also like to share that I have made it two weeks since d-day without lighting a cigarette, or taking a drink, despite having both in the house. 
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
sinsof thefather ( member #29295) posted at 3:28 PM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
steadfast, I'm glad that you feel you now have the real truth of your marriage - if your gut is quiet maybe it is because you feel you can finally believe what he's saying. I hope so. I also hope that he realises just what a gift you are giving him in attempting to start over in a 'new' marriage with him. I wish you well with it - and I want to congratulate you too on going two weeks without a drink or a cigarette - well done you. Keep it up! 
...second star to the right and straight on till morning.
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