No, not feelings of love for her. Feelings of anger, of "what the hell..."
Quick recap, she called divorce May 11, 2010, I moved out 2 weeks later. Waited for papers. Saturday after Thanksgiving 2010 "I am pregnant". Wait for papers. Finally, Sept 2012, I am able to let go (hope of family staying together was there). Now I hope she files. I wait for the holidays to pass, I start asking for papers. "Yep, I will get them to you." Every 10 days I ask "where are the papers?" "Working on them." Ok. Then, my life goes into panic mode (Probably pretty mild to some, but nonetheless, my drama in my life). Van breaks down several times, a melanoma scarce (Got it. Nothing to worry). My son is failing high school, my daughter has really become a teenager.
So, no papers, money is scares (with van repairs and Dr. visits), I will be using my tax money to pay for the lawyer (Coming soon), plus, once again, I will wait for Christmas and such.
Ok, to the point...The past month, I have had vivid dreams (night dreams) of frustration with the A, even the pre-separation A, and my mind has been getting emotional about it. I have not done this in months, I could even say in a year. It is kind of freaking me out. Why is my mind floating back to the past and mow over those feelings again? I am over it, but just feelings of the actually A (mind movies of guy sucking on her boobs, she riding on top of the man), not of "I miss her" crap. The feeling of sadness and "what the hell-ness". Before the past month, those images would flash, and I would just say "whatever", and move on. Gad, someone say I am not crazy. But don't sugar coat if I am, either. It is just weird.
Has this happened to anyone?
You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact
[This message edited by Linus1968 at 4:45 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]
