Leftoolate...Thank you for your response. In response to your questions...
Counseling helped me try to figure out why I had the affair. I wouldn't say I am completely clear on that subject, but I did learn a lot about myself. I honestly don't know that it really helped mybhusband. He doesn't believe in counseling and absolutely refuses to go. He doesn't care if I go, but he will never go himself. We have talked about this subject until we are blue in the face. I stopped going after I completed my individu
al counseling and he wouldn't complete the couples counseling. I am going to go back though.
When I say he decided to forgive me, I guess I meant he decided to TRY to forgive me. We are still a long ways away from this. To him, I honestly think he sees staying as me having to work my butt off to prove myself to him, and he being able to pretty much do what he wants.
The abuse thing happened once. I had turned off his xbox because he was yelling and being belligerent around my kids. I asked him to stop, but he didn't. So I turned it off. I then picked up my two year old to walk out of the house. He kicked me in the butt/back and pushed me. I fell into the wall, and accidentally dropped my daughter on the way. I received a decent bruise to my knee. I was honestly scared of him for the first time. I took my kids and left. He ended up leaving for a few days, and came back with flowers, an apology letter for me, and a letter for my son.I know he truely felt horrible for what he had done. Afterna couple more situations of him breaking things around the house because of that xbox game, we got rid of the game. He is better, but does have some anger management issues still. He hasn't touched me since that day, and he knows I will leave if he does. He wont admit he has a problem...thinks it is normal. So he wont do anything about it. He did go to a few counseling sessions with me afterward because he knew he had to if he wanted to come home. But then he quit going, saying it wasn't helping. The yelling and name calling is not healthy. I am sure it is his hurt coming out. I don't know what he needs. He says I haven't done anything to make things better, but I honestly feel like I have. Important things to him are doing his laundry, cleaning the house, making dinners, and doing domestic things. I am also the breadwinner of the family and work full time. I do the best I can, but it is never good enough for him. He also works, but makes less money, and doesn't have a steady job.
We have talked about this a lot. I feel like I am doing what I can, and he feels like it is not enough. I feel like no matter what I do, it will never be enough. I know he is not healing, but he will not help me help him, and it is a problem.
I am considering divorce because of the above statement. I feel like we will never see eye to eye, and I do not see hope in our future. I am willing to try to work on things and put in the effort but I really don't know how. And I feel like what I do is never good enough. His only suggestions are to do more domestic things, but how? There is only so much time in one day, I am pregnant, and I have two other kids to take care of. I honestly feel like he was babied as a child/teenager, and he has unrealistic expectations. I constantlyn try to do my best, but he is always putting me down as a wife and mother. I guess I am just at my breaking point, and wonder if we would both be happier apart. I also wonder if our kids would be better off.