SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dear X,

I am writing to you with some information about your wife and my husband. I have hesitated to do this for many months, but I am doing it now because I have decided that if the situation were reversed, I would want to know.

Your wife and my husband began a texting relationship about a year and a half ago. For at least part of the time, this involved your wife Y trying to convince my husband to begin a physical affair. I found out last year and asked him to sever contact.

Despite promises to do so, they continued texting. On January 31st, my husband adjusted a setting on his account, which caused his (and her texts) to appear on my phone. I therefore received a series of texts between your wife and my husband, in which Y tries to talk him into having a physical affair, and my husband says maybe. If you want the details of the conversation, please let me know and I will transcribe it for you.

I asked him again to sever contact. Alas, it appears that didn’t happen. Last week I got access to his phone records and found that in August, September and the first part of October, they continued to text (I don’t have records before August).

He has told me that they had lunch in September (I believe the 19th or 20th). He says that they never did consummate the much discussed affair, but really, who knows. He did say that she spent lunch talking about how she cheats on you and why.

Please feel free to contact me if you want more information, although this is about as much as I know.

Best, rbf1234

It's very good. I would leave out the, "he says she talked about cheating on you." It may be spin your WH is using to take the heat off himself. And really, you have no way of knowing whether it's true.

When it comes to content, just give what you know for sure.

I'd go ahead and provide the texts. I'd attach them, and let him know, in the letter, what's to come in later pages. He can choose not to read them if he wants.

I also provided copies of phone bills that verified what I told him about the ongoing contact. I outlined what I knew about the affair (dates, times, hotels used, etc.) I did not have receipts for all of these, but with the info, he could dig if he wanted to.

I provided this because I really didn't want to give OBS reason to contact me. Though I would have spoken with him if he had, I preferred to give him everything I had from the outset.

And really, I didn't want OW to have the opportunity to spin. If he had everything in hand, she didn't have the opportunity to craft a story before he received the evidence.

[This message edited by solus sto at 1:20 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]

I agree with providing copies of the texts. And don't say the wife tried to convince your wh. It puts all the blame on her and may not be entirely true.

Also, be prepared for him to not believe a word you say.

Good luck!!!!!

I agree with above. ^^^^^ leave the comment out about her cheating with other men. Stick to the facts you have confirmed.

I agree with the others. I would also drop the part about you telling because if the situations were reversed you would want to know. You've discovered them talking twice before, and only now, a year later, you decide this? It looks like a revenge plot for something else. If you really thought he should know, why wait a year? I would simply say that you know they are not stopping, and you now feel it is enough that he should know. Even apologize possibly for not contacting him sooner.

just my opinion.

I agree with the others about attaching the texts and leaving the comment out about her cheating with other men. I like what painfulpast wrote too. I would include what painfulpast wrote and exclude the part about situations being reversed as well. I hope it goes over well.

(((rbf1234)))

Thank you all so much. I am so grateful.

I will take all your suggestions and send it tomorrow. (I think I can't handle it today. Other emotional stuff going on as well.)

1. Do not say a word ahead of time to WH or OW

2. Provide proof up front

3. Since they may have been physical ( and honestly, prob have) please get STD check and insist he do too