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kmom2662 (original poster member #41494) posted at 1:58 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2013
Everywhere I go, everything I do, there seem to be things that remind me of the terrible thing I did-- music on the radio, a mention on TV of a particular part of the country, things at work. I feel like locking myself in the house, but that doesn't help either, because the guilt and shame are in my head, so there's no escaping it, no matter what I do. I'm revolted by all of the things that remind me of that 2-month period. Yesterday, H and I found out that OM had viewed my linked-in page 6 weeks ago, 3 weeks after a very strongly worded NC email from me. I never use that account, actually forgot it existed, so we found it by accident. It started a whole new wave of pain, worry, and anger. I saw my husband fall apart all over again. We talked about it all evening; I ended up throwing up from the anxiety. I have IC again on Monday, just needed to vent a little to make it through the day.
Me-- WW, 49
Him-- BH, 53 (bobf)
Married 22 years
OEA, chat/email with multiple people over an 8 week period, 8/2013-10/4/2013
D-day 10/4/13
Working on reconciliation
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 6:02 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2013
kmom...
It's all a process, there are no quick fixes to get around it all. The only way through it is go through it.
I think it's really positive that you both talked in such detail about it...that's a very good sign 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 6:25 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2013
kmom,
The early days royally suck. I remember them well.
I agree with DS. You have to go thru it, not around it. With time and hard work, it will lessen.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
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