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fadingmemories (original poster member #20531) posted at 3:00 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
I have not been here in a while. I like to share the positive because when I first joined this site, I hung onto every positive post I could find. I hoped that someday, that would be me. I want to share this with all who are struggle to keep their balance on the path so individually chosen.
I have always been a lover of Christmas, so much so that we were married at this time of year. I found out that my husband had had an affair that lasted over 14 years, I do not need to tell you about that devastation, if you are here, you know. I have had a hard time with the Christmas season ever since. Even though our reconciliation has gone very well, each year I find myself more weepy and sad as Christmas gets closer. My MC told me we had to dissolve our marriage, it was a sham and if we wanted our relationship to work, to start anew. I told my husband I would never spend our anniversary with him again. That day was now a reflection day, one where we would think about how our marriage was....not good. Our new relationship, which started when we renewed our vows is strong, honest, loving and everything I always dreamed a marriage would be. We celebrate that anniversary. However, I dread this season. I can't look at the wedding cake topper, dried flowers & stemmed glasses that had become cherished Christmas ornaments. Today my Husband changed that.
We had decorated the house yesterday. This morning as I came down stairs he saw my eyes fill with tears, poured me a cup of coffee and sat me down. Here is what he said.
"I know this is a hard time of year for you and I understand completely but I want you to know how I feel. I want to celebrate our Christmas anniversary. That day took! That commitment took! Otherwise we would not have made it. I lived my life in a fog of delusion and denial for so many years. If it wasn't for that day, we would not be here today enjoying the riches that everyday life has for us now. So many couples don't make it, for whatever reason. It's a throw away society... we didn't throw it away... we fixed it! I didn't walk out because of that day. That means the world to me because now I understand the true meaning of commitment. I need to celebrate that understanding. I need to celebrate us."
I think my healing is complete. Merry Christmas everyone.... and peace on earth.
Me BS
Him FWS
Married 30 Years Together 36
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 3:04 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
Great post. So happy for both of you.
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 3:15 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
Mrs Panda ( member #27303) posted at 3:19 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
Wow, great post . Merry Christmas .
Me-48 FWW Him 51BH
M 20 years,. Fully Reconciled ❤️.
DDay#1 Nov 2008
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Prior A from 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut
HurtButHopeful? ( member #25144) posted at 3:36 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
I too have tears from what you shared. May this be the first of many happier Christmases.
HBH
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
ladycody ( member #41401) posted at 3:27 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
Another sweet moment of recovery...thank you for sharing. Those moments give me hope.
HoneyMe ( member #40613) posted at 4:45 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
Thanks for posting this heartfelt story. It's nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not that far out yet, but I do know we are heading in the right direction. Have a wonderful Christmas.
3 A's
Blinded-sided DD 9/2011
Again 11/2011 and then more truth the next day. Separated 4 months. 2012, the year of truth and reconciliation.
Needadrink ( member #40512) posted at 12:42 AM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
Hi Fadingmemories,
Your post made me cry, it is 6 Months since I found out that my H had been having a 18 yr affair, amongst other stuff too. We are working so hard at reconcilling but this will be our first Christmas since I found out and I am just feeling so sad. Thinking of all the happy times we have spent during this special time just seem so fake to me now. I am really struggling with it. 
BS 57
WH 58
M 28 yrs together 32
D Day 10th April 2013
20 Yrs of Infidelity with long term affair 18 yrs but only seen a couple of times a year. 3 Prostitutes, sexual Massages.Ongoing Porn. lapdances.
unfound ( member #12802) posted at 12:53 AM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
ka-mai
*************
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."
blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 4:56 AM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
Bless you for taking your time to encourage us that follow you.
It's a throw away society... we didn't throw it away... we fixed it!
Nicely put.
God be with us all.
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.
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