SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

... because it seems like OW was paying WH for the sex. I cannot get over all the gifts she showered on him. I took several to Goodwill the day after DDay: cashmere Cole Haan hat & scarf, a Hugo Boss polo, a North Face jacket.

But there's so many more. A Tumi wallet I currently have in my purse -- not sure what I'm going to do with that. His giant computer monitor. An expensive set of hi-hats for his drums. His beloved $200+ Persol sunglasses. There's probably more clothes he forgot about since he's kind of a vain clotheshorse.

He let me believe he bought these things himself. One time she brought him fancy cupcakes for his birthday, and he brought a leftover one home for me to eat! The "office" got him cupcakes, of course.

And there's the intangible gifts. Travel, lower sporting event tickets, hotel rooms. Ugh.

How was I supposed to compete with that? Don't get me wrong, I make a good salary but I'm not going to drop $100+ per ticket on NHL tickets or $80 on a hat or $200+ a night on a fancy hotel.

OW has a large trust fund. I wonder how much being spoiled her entire life contributes to how entitled she felt to cheat on her XBH with someone else's H. This weekend WH revealed to me that now that she just turned 30, she's got full ownership of assets in the $3 million range.

When I was a few sheets to the wind one of my snarky comments to him was that he should have hit her up for a BMW 5 Series while he was at it...

I hope she blows that money, and is left with NOTHING.

OW knows that she is worthless and not worthy as an single individual and as such, uses expensive items to purchase the affections of the individuals in her life. The OW that my fWH had an affair with bought him Louis Vuitton tie clips, Burberry wallets, Burberry credit card holders, Hermes ties, Louis Vuitton ties and pricey pieces of art. fWH told me that he bought these things for himself and, fool that I was, I believed him.

I understand the feeling of like you cannot compete. When I have this feeling, I remember that it is the intangible gifts that I give my fWH that truly matter in his life~such as the chance to R, the opportunity to rebuild our family, the chance to be a husband to me. After all, these things are worth much more than a fancy night out.

Also, having these items around tend to be a constant reminder of the OW. Perhaps, it is time to dispose of these things. Since it is Christmas, a worthy charity might appreciate receiving some of these items?

Finally, do you talk to your WH about these feelings? What does he say?

How pathetic is the slut that she had to "buy" or pay for your WH's services. She feels so insecure and unworthy that the only way she feels she can hang onto a man is to buy him gifts, maybe to make him feel obligated to her. Or, to lure him away because there is no way she can get and keep them without her money.

Yeah, I can't and don't call the OW in our sitch a whore. Technically, that is a prostitute. But, it is definitely an unethical slut and a cumdumpster. OW was supposedly okay with being a "friends with benefits" fuck buddy, aka cumdumpster. It also paid for the majority of the hotel rooms, not fancy, but not a Notell Motel, either.

I would say to sell the stuff on Craigslist, and then with the money do something nice for yourself or buy yourself something incredibly wonderful. The slut owes you!

I try to make myself feel better by reminding myself that I don't have to buy anybody's attention. That everything I have, I earned. Nobody handed me a trust fund.

I hate having the reminders in the house though.

Finally, do you talk to your WH about these feelings? What does he say?

On DDay he 'fessed up to some of the gifts and had no objections to my Goodwill run, but he "forgot" the hi-hats, the monitor, and the sunglasses. He says he's willing to sell the hi-hats on Ebay, but doesn't see the point in getting rid of the monitor since I got his old one.

He really wants to keep the sunglasses because he likes them so much and asked if there's some kind of charitable donation he can make to make up for it somehow. I want to smash the sunglasses to smithereens.

Or maybe a just revenge is for me to benefit from the stuff? Maybe I'll use the Tumi wallet. I'll make it so OW bought me a wallet.

I am going to talk to WH about it again at one of our MC sessions. I think the neutral environment will help me be clear that it really feels like he's putting stuff ahead of my feelings.

She is pathetic. Can you imagine enjoying someone's company when you know you had to pay them to be there?

OW is the one who can't compete. She hooked your broken WH, but he wasn't much of a prize being a lying materialistic cheater (I assume he woke up and is working on that).

What if she had to compete with just herself and no purse? What if the prize was a mature, kind, hard-working, faithful man?

All if it has to go, that includes the sunglasses. Consequences of his actions, you don't get to keep reminders.

Damn straight it ALL goes! Donate it and write it off as a charitable. Make him write a list, he knows how she paid.

I'm sorry, it sucks. Keep nothing. Make sure he is in IC for a while too.

You're way too nice to your cheating husband. You gave him the gift of reconciliation without too much sweat and he gets to keep some gifts from the OW too. He should be kissing the ground you walk on.

Perhaps not technically but you can call her any other number of unflattering names and you'd be right!

I agree, every single thing HAS to go.